Friday 13 July 2012

I was buzzing to say I had an email from today. I mean the email address didn’t ring a bell with me but loads of people don’t use their full name in their email address do they? And just because I am a ‘mainstream mikey’ and use hotmail and haven’t heard of the email provider doesn’t mean there is anything to be suspicious about.

It started:

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been?

1. I love being called ‘Babe’ so whoever this is knows me – that’s signed, sealed and delivered. 2. Your/you’re is wrong – again, could be anybody. 3. I don’t get any of anyone else’s emails: I get all of my emails. 4. If a laptop is freezing and preventing someone sending an email I’d suggest sending an email from a different machine. Actually how many times did you try? It’s a bit odd if it’s more than two times; You should have realised it wasn’t working and stopped trying then. 5. I’ve been fine, generally.

In case u dont know who this is its ME Adriana.. we used to chat a bit 
on facebook and then I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... 
I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me 
and my bf broke up about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? 
RIGHT EFFING NEAR U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know 
there.. well 3 cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..

1. Ahhhhhhhhh YOU. Adriana! Right, now I know who this is…do I fuck. I’ve chatted on Facebook about three times all to ugly men (WHO I KNOW) and mainly by accident. 2. If this weren’t a scam and I had deleted you, did you not get the message? 3. If you’d ever written to me in any format you would use ‘you’ and not ‘u’. 4. He’s not your boyfriend if you broke up three months ago, it sounds like you still have some issues to work through and you are trying to move on too quickly; maybe you (u) need some more you (u) time – you’re not ready to be emailing people you’ve never met fabricating some online flirtation. 6. The use of effing is pretty good to be fair, I don’t know many people who use it – but I would….7. I wouldn’t use actually to descibe something not actual though, especially if I was going to highlight it’s not actuality in the next sentence. 8. Why can’t you chill with your cousins?

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted 
to chill so now we finally can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping 
this email addy is still the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore 
i get there.. maybe even help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? 
i cudnt find ui was soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show 
me the town and take me out so u better be around bebe...

1. Yeah…none of this happened. But you’re right: haha! that is funny. 2. Bringing up hoping this is the right email address this far into an email is odd. Plus if it’s not then no-one is going to read it, it’s a pointless sentence is what I am saying. Be more positive: “I’m glad this is the right email address” for example. 3. Move your shit in? ahhh right I knew there must be something you (u) wanted. 4. If you (u) coudln’t find me on Facebook I either deleted my account, don’t want to be found by you (u) or this is a lie. A lie by a figment of someone’s imagination who does scam emails. One of those – definitely. 5. Bebe? Have you got me mixed up with the homeless lad United paid £10 million for?

we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i 
wanted to get ot know u better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were 
cute too but cudnt tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about 
me.. well im 23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named
BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but
every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all
that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..

Well now it’s obvious we’ve had no contact isn’t it? No-one has ever/does/will ever think(s)/thought I am cute. (And you can still recognise someone else’s cuteness regardless of having a boyfriend (bf). As for star sign, etc – thanks for clearing that up (Virgo? What are the odds it would be something with an implication about sex?)…wait a minute, you’re what? Super horny. Well Adriana of course we should meet…

Who would write a paragraph saying what their interests are – in the style of a CV – to saying they were super horny? And EVERY girl is the just wont admit it eh? Wow this definitely wasn’t written by a man at all. Definitely not a man. Love porn and sex…who doesn’t? You (u) should meet some of the girls I have been in relationships with; what a sheltered life you (u) have led with your love of sex and porn, we’re not all like that (Adriana).

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the 
fone before i get there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna 
chill and arent married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when 
i get there..

do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar
or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun
and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i
currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out
meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i
did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out
on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat
with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i
figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play
with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO
THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help
once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching i
said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON
STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im
hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..

As much as I’m recognising this is scam or something…it’s quite odd isn’t it? Asking if I can sort out a job? She was wanking herself off a second ago and now it’s Yosser Hughes. It’s almost like it’s not a scam…and then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like “I am an internet sex room”. (And yeah, we all look down on that, my pet peeve is attractive women offering people the chance to let some loser blung one out while she spaggles her cutch.) …and we’re back to the bullshit about the computer…seriously, guy, just ask for my credit card details already.

ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each
of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u
can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like
everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY
USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more
than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud
always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me
login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...

I am glad you told me your boss’s name – that made this all seam a lot more real. But, anyway, trust me: there is no way I will share any of this with anybody.

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I
really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern
remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably
soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i
really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my
stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in
insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont

Shit, stop worrying I will share this with anyone. I definitely agree that I need to talk to a fictional masturbating interneter before I get himher a bar job. About to start work? It’s almost like you (u) are suggesting if I click this link now then we can chat right….right now..

wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me
now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there
after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign
to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im
INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out
for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo Adriana


Ahhhh the email isn’t a possible way to get back to you. So this is the only way, I mean I realise we definitely need to chat. I just feel like I’ll be depriving you of the money you could be earning by pissing in a cup while some guy called Nigel fluffs himself off. What? Oh I’ll be paying…well, how else am I going to find out about what bar I am getting you a job in?  But you’ll lick me IN the balls? That sounds a bit odd.

I’m going to give it a miss. But if anyone wants to have a chat/wank/find someone bar work feel free to do it with this EXCLUSIVE code. That link definitely doesn’t look dodgy and won’t fuck your computer up. And I am sure Adriana isn’t a fake person made up to tempt losers into paying for soft-prostitution. Well this fucking loser isn’t interested.


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