Monday 09 July 2012

Space Jail

I watched a film called Lockout this evening, though you may know it better as: SPACE JAIL, the title I have been calling it around my flat for the last few days as I have tried to encourage my girlfriend we should watch it. I watched it on my own tonight as she was out.

This is how the IMDB describes it:

A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president’s daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

Yes, you’re right to think, “why would someone need convincing to watch that?”

If you needed more convincing, which you shouldn’t, it contains the line: “He’s the best there is. But he’s a loose cannon.” Really! It’s in the trailer – if you don’t believe me. I am pretty sure people have uttered those words about me in work meetings.


My last day as a 33-year-old. At times like this you have to ask yourself a very specific question: what is your next haircut going to be? Since booking a hair appointment, for tomorrow, I have had what can only be described as the ‘arranging-for-a-haircut-then-your-hair-starting-to-look-as-you-want-it-tos’. Which is fucking textbook. The point you look in a mirror and think ‘I need a  a haircut’ should be the last time you look in a mirror until you have had your hair cut. Otherwise you are just planting seeds of doubt every time you catch your reflection, like a very temporary version of Narcissus. Only unlike Narcissus I do not get fall in love with my entire reflection, just get briefly disillusioned that my hair looks how I want it to look (which depending on my frame of mind could be that of any member of The Rolling Stones some time from 1963-1976).  And I haven’t normally turned down a nymph. And I am generally not looking in a river. And I know it’s my reflection. It’s not like Narcissus really.

[Sorry I lost my train of thought there as I’ve got Boogie Nights on and it got to the first time Dirk Diggler shoots a porno, specifically the bit where Juliane Moore’s character says, “This is a giant cock.”  This made me realise I have never seen John Holmes, who Dirk Diggler is based on. I googled him. Man, he does have a giant cock. It would fit in with the Narcissus thing but you really don’t need to see your reflection to see you have a giant cock. I think I would have had a similarly premature death to Narcissus, though, had I had a giant cock. Though had I been living in LA in the 70s I would probably have ended up spunking off in pornos, getting addicted to coke and shooting myself in the immune system with GRID*.

Other thing to note: I think this must be the first time – when I watched it originally, not now – that I saw John C Reilly in a film. That is one talented, beautiful, funny mother-fucker.]


Birthday Spoiler

I was all excited because the only cards I have ahead of my birthday tomorrow were two, both of which have my mum’s handwriting on the back. Finally – my birthday was being totally ignored and I could believe that I was completely fucking inconsequential to the rest of the World. And then I got back from my lunch and there was a card and a present on my desk from my new colleagues. I’ve never really been in teams where we have done birthdays so it was a pleasant surprise and for almost 16 seconds I felt nice inside.

Then I thought, it’s probably because they don’t really know me yet.

Oh yeah…..

Today the latest BIG 9 (Big 9:2012) was dropped: right fucking here:

Early viewing figures suggest it is the most successful Big 9 since Big 9 records began. To celebrate here is my favourite promo poster from the history of The Big 9, from last year.

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