Tuesday 03 July 2012

Questions, questions, questions

I’m fed up of people asking questions. When’s this? What’s that? Where did it? Just look it up on fucking Google you fucking dipshit. Why are you asking other people anyway? (Yes, I should google that). What is the point in the internet if people are still going to talk to other equally moronic people to elicit (google it) information?

Other people are as stupid as you – by asking them you are just getting their guess at the answer. People don’t even know what they are thinking about most of the time – it’s true, ask someone what they were just thinking about and half of the time they say nothing. They are either brain dead sub-bovine thinkers or liars. Either way, that is from who you are getting your information. These fucking dipshits who a cow could outwit.

The world has given you the internet, Google and Wikipedia to make the internet useful and phones to mean you can go on the internet anywhere. SO STOP ASKING PEOPLE QUESTIONS.

What if they haven’t got the internet, though? EVERYONE  has ALWAYS got the internet. And if they haven’t they don’t deserve anything. Apart from a firing squad. And people are so annoying they ask questions on Facebook and Twitter, and so definitely have internet access. Does this do that? Is he showing this? You know how you get the answer quicker? Write the fucking question in Google and press search. You twat. What are we all, your fucking servants? Some internet coding will provide you with an instant answer but you want people to type an answer out for you: where do you get off?

The Big 9

I know what most people are thinking: where is the 2012 Big 9? You’ve googled it and got NOTHING back? Who are these twats suggesting Google holds all the answers?

Well don’t worry. If you’ve missed out on the advertising campaign, this year’s selection is only a week away. Yes, it has previously been in June (2011, 2010). No, I didn’t just forget it until a couple of weeks ago and think I could make out like it was an intentional decision. Now the pressure is on: do you know how hard it is to get it down to nine films? It involves being able to look for trailers of films on You Tube AND count to nine. And the pressure. The pressure in unbelievable. I’ve had people mithering me about The Big 9 on the streets of Manchester – admittedly it was my friend, who I was already walking with, and he is the only person to ask about…but, still: impressive, oui?

Still tonight’s research – yes, research, this is a very thorough process – led me to a films I had somehow missed. The Awakening somehow crept out in the autumn of 2011 (said twenty eleven, not two thousand and eleven). It’s quite good, I recommend it. It’s a horror film set in 1921, starring Dominic ‘Fred’ West as a teacher at a public school who hires in a ghost disprover (Rebecca Hall) to disprove there is a ghost at his school. I won’t lie, I saw some of the stuff coming a while off – but that’s not to say it wasn’t well executed and there were some good performances. And you nearly see West’s widgey and do see Hall’s chebs, so…..

Here are this year’s teaser posters:

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2 Responses to Tuesday 03 July 2012

  1. Nick says:

    Why don’t you just start giving people the wrong answers?

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