This was a long dark day in my existence. Well it wasn’t dark: Munich, or Munchen as they refer to it locally, was yet again wonderfully sunny. Unless you’d not had much sleep, had an horrendous hangover, wanted to die and had no hat – then it was too fucking sunny. In fact, despite jokes about this blog being as unfunny as The Hangover Part II, today’s blog is probably as depressing and desperately unfunny as the Danny Dyer vehicle The Other Half – but yes, I would have rather staggered around a hot Munich thinking I was about to faint/cry rather than watch The Other Half three times in the same time.
We had to be out of the ho(s)tel by 10. For some reason getting up about 8 and walking for a coffee seemed like a good idea. Later on, when I would have about 6 hours to kill I would have fucking killed for two hours in bed. When I had two hours to have in bed, what did I do? You really can’t please me – even if you are me. Anyone reading this who has ever been frustrated by not being able to satisfy me…sorry this isn’t where I finish going ‘I can’t even satisfy myself so don’t worry’…you are all fucking garbage for not being able to satisfy me. Dicks.
A lot of people tell me when I get in this state that having some food will help. Well I had a french fry at about three o’clock all right? They also say have some liquids to stop the dehydration. Well you know when you feel putting anything in your system will be ejected? Well that’s how I feel. Fortunately when we found the lads in front of the town hall my mate Dave respected me not wanting a lager…by getting me what he described as mix of coke and lemonade. I don’t know if anyone has ever tried mixing these two beverages but the one I had didn’t taste good. I also tried a couple of cokes, a coffee, some waters, some more coke and an OJ. None of them made me feel any better.
To be fair to Dave, after his coke/lemonade debacle he did help keep me sane by doing what a few people could have done, namely made me laugh when I was feeling like this. He did this by making two or three obscure football remarks about 45 times each, maybe more. You probably had to be there or, more likely, be me or Dave or one of four or five people who could find jokes about City playing at home in their away kit in 1990 funny, especially the 59th time one of us suggested that’s what people were talking about when we walked past (Dave WAS wearing that shirt – the joke wasn’t THAT obscure).
Poor Dave – and then when were joined by Al and Steve – poor Dave, Al and Steve had to cope with me walking around with them occasionally shaking my head when asked if I was alright, perhaps adding “I’ve never fainted so I don’t know what it feels like just before you faint but I think that’s what I feel like.”
I did not faint. The remainder of the day involved meeting up with the other lads who were quite drunk, though, so I’m not going to dwell on it. Don’t hate the player hate the game innit. I will say I would have happily put a cap in three or four of the group though.