Thursday 07 June 2012

As well as allowing me the facility to see that no-one is reading my blog (two read yesterday’s insightful entry about looking at an old man’s cock!! Two! I suppose I should see that as a triumph, to be fair) I also get to see what terms people have looked for on internet search engines that have led them to my blog.

Recent examples include:

“a lot of men” “wear leather pants” opinion

What is this very much all about? Recent research has sent me in the direction of researching how to use search engines more effectively. One of the more more basic ways to add a parameter to a search is to use quotation marks. Using quotation marks specifies that you are searching for the precise phrase within the quotation marks. If you searched for red socks you would get any web page that mentioned both red and socks at any point in the page – and maybe just either word. However, if you search for “red socks” you would only get webpages which specifically use the phrase red socks.

So, what this person has searched for is a web page that included the SPECIFIC phrases a lot of men AND the phrase wear leather pants BUT NOT the phrase a lot of mean wear leather pants. Though, of course, this does not preclude webpages using both. Oh and it doesn’t mind where the word opinion pops up.

Even without all the quotation marks – what an odd thing to be looking on the internet for; whether or not someone has an opinion on lots of men wearing leather pants.

Anyway it took whoever it was to this entry – which doesn’t contain either complete phrase. How incredibly disappointing said person must have been. (They were persistent though – believe it or not my blog was the seventh or eighth result when I searched using those words.)

Ditto someone who came across this entry after searching for this phrase:

“famous saying about history”

Again it was that precise phrase they were looking for – look at the quotation marks damn it! I don’t think my hilarious thoughts on the hologram of Tupac were quite what they were looking for. Precision using quotation marks was also powering the search based on this:

“jennifer saunders was so”

which took them to my Christmas Day (no less) entry 18 months ago when I chose to have a gripe at Jennifer Saunders’ narration of a films programme, I fear I was a little harsh. Still, why is someone looking for (precisely) an incomplete phrase?

And these are just from the last seven days!*

*Though I have ended on a phrase suggesting that there is a cornucopia of bizarre and twisted searches that have led people to my blog, there isn’t. These odd ones have just appeared this week. This is the top 20, with the number on the right indicating how many times someone has used the term to find my blog:

(particular favourites are ‘david cameron is a twat’ and ‘saturday 07 april 2012’)

our records indicate that you are owed £2800 for mis-sold ppi from the last 10 years. reply info for more info or stop to opt-out. 5
our records indicate you are owed £2800 for mis-sold ppi from the last 10 years. reply info for more info or stop to opt-out. 5
cherylee houston 4
hr. pol hubbert 2
piecunt tms 2
wwf tag team 2
who is pol hubbert 2
stewart lee lowry review 2
beer pump with tv 2
london city centre 1912 1
david cameron is a twat 1
adam corbally twat 1
nothing happened today march 22, 2012 1
dr phil show today april 20, 2012 1
dsem 1
the parole officer tower heist 1
platt fielda park funfair 2012 1
the natural disasters earthquake and typhoon 1
earthquake the wrestler 1
saturday 07 april 2012 1
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