Thursday 17 May 2012


I regularly get the bus with a lad from football. We have a bit of  a chat but it rarely gets to much beyond (professional) football from the weekend before. We both follow teams from the top tier of England’d footballing pyramid and discuss their relative merits. The journey is not that long so by the time we get anywhere conversationally it is time for him to get off the bus. Tonight – for some reason – I didn’t bring up last weekend’s football and asked him how his work was going instead. I know he is a sound engineer or something – when you go to a gig and you see the people on stage setting the stuff up, he is one of them.

This led on to him telling me that he did a Christian rock gig the other week and was delayed putting the equipment away by a 20-minute prayer. This led on to me saying how Christian rock is a big thing in America and he said how it was here to and that he has worked the Greenbelt Festival which was a religious festival in Cheltenham that was bigger than Glastonbury. Well Wikipedia tells me Greenbelt gets 20,000 people and I know that Glastonbury gets more than that. Why would he lie to me?

Is this some kind of subverted sexual code where you lie to someone about the capacity/attendance of a Christian music festival in comparison to other music festivals? If it is then I’m not sure what my gullible acceptance of it being true means. Do I have to suck his dick now? Actually I will rephrase that: is it OK that I sucked his dick or should I not have done that?


I cant believe someone would pay nine grand for this. I could have done that with photoshop for free. If anyone knows anyone planning to bid on the auction tell them I can do them a very similar image for £900+ VAT. I can’t say fairer than that. No, I really cant: all my teeth have fallen out and it just sounds like I am saying I canp say pairer than pat.

Unfulfilled ambitions: Do something from a film 

To do the bit from the end of Strictly Ballroom where he slides out on his knees to start dancing with the ugly one who isn’t ugly – who he loves. I just like the way he slides on his knees. Yeah, there is a bit of the romance to it too. It is just the far better version of ‘nobody leaves a baby in the corner’ from Dirty Dancing. It would specifically have to be accompanied with Love Is in the Air from the soundtrack to the motion picture Strictly Ballroom.

 Notable others:

  • When Henry Hill smashes the guy’s face in with a gun in Goodfellas for having a pop at Lorraine Bracco. I like the last couple of times when they guy’s face is smashed to pieces and definitely doesn’t need any more damage but he hits him another couple of times.
  •  Everything Max does in Rushmore.
  •  When Arnie is on the bike being chasing the T2 in Terminator 2: Judgement Day and Arnie is doing the shotgun one handed. Specifically the bit where he shoots the padlock off the gate.
  • Getting shot to pieces like Sonny in The Godfather.
  • Everything Gosling does in Drive.
  • Everything Mark Wahlberg does in The Departed.
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