Wednesday 16 May 2012

The footage of United fans at Sunderland finding out that City had won the league was, understandably, quite popular virally – mainly with people who don’t obsess other United’d fortunes. And Manchester City fans liked it too. Boom. Yeah, I went there.

But there was particular footage of one man listening to either a phone or radio at the moment City scored. I didn’t see it when many other people did, when it was broadcast on BBC’s weekly football magazine show Match of The Day. I was told about it though. There is a specific reason, people weren’t just saying that there was some footage of people being disappointed on television. If I want to see someone being disappointed I will attach a mirror on a frame about two feet in front of me so I am constantly aware of the expression on my own face.

People were telling me about this footage (and I refuse to embed a link a to it because people who embed a link to it are fucking twats) because the guy on the phone is known to me via a mutual employer, past or present. He was always a quiet type of person, quiet – keeps himself to himself. Not in the way someone describes a serial killer when they’ve been found out, in the way someone describes someone who is quiet¹.

My main thought was that I hoped it didn’t get him down. It is the kind of thing a lot of people might be able to laugh off. But you do worry about someone who is quiet suddenly becoming the focal point of something like an inter-city football war of losing and winning. Being the poster boy for United losing the title might be enough to drive someone to hanging themselves naked in the toilets of a motorway services on the M60, hanging naked with a dishevelled penis retracted like the life of the man it (barely) hung from.

But what do you know? It is the best thing that has happened to him. It started off with his Monday back at work people were stopping and telling him they has seen him on television but in a nice way. Within a couple of hours he was getting his phone out to pull an exaggerated sad face while people had their photos taken with him: by the end of Monday he was a part of 41 Facebook profile pictures.

Tuesday morning and he was having his affairs handled by the publicist Max Clifford. People were now paying £12 for a photo with the man holding his phone with a sad face. He took the afternoon to record a double A-side single: Blondie’s Hanging on the Telephone and Beck’s Loser.  Today he was selling a calendar in the works canteen, 12 different images of the gentleman looking like he’d got bad news in different settings.

He was pictured at lunch with a Cheeky Girl. He is second favourite to win the new series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me out of Here (favourite is Peter Andre).

¹Author’s note: most people are quiet from the perspective of me, who is not.

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