Sunday 06 May 2012

It all depends on which way your bread is buttered*

Why do I ruin so many bread products tearing them apart trying to add butter? Quick answer: because toast needs butter. I only use butter on toast to be fair I was using butter as a superordinate for all butter and margarines. Margarines are not as much of an issue it must be said but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed a tear as a piece of bread was torn apart as I dragged a knife across it (with some butter or marge on said knife: I’m not mental).

I have to ask myself the question: where do I buy a lot of sandwiches from? Greggs and Subway. The former apply spread with a fish slice and the latter don’t have them. Surely that is a sign that – in winter, at least – bread and butter do not mix.

[If I think it through when I’m making toast in the colder months I chop off a knob of butter and microwave obviously.]

*I know it’s side. Whatever.


There’s not much to say about Homeland that Stuart Heritage didn’t say here in The Guardian on Saturday, particularly that it is 24 for people who live in Didsbury. Actually it was just line I liked because I never really get the usual London-based geographical stereotypes that pepper this type of article normally. Also 24 was pretty popular in Didsbury as far as my time there went: I started watching 24 in Didsbury actually and only stopped watching it as I moved away. Surely it is just a coincidence that I left Didsbury as the show was becoming really tired, repetitive and ridiculous.

Claire Danes was fucking good, though, wasn’t she? Like proper good at acting.

Homeland has been very enjoyable and has been something I have watched once a week over the course of its broadcast* rather than ramming it down my eyes in a manic blitz that has become the normal way I absorb American TV shows. I think I prefer my new way of doing it, letting the television broadcasters limit me to one episode a week of something was all well and good but I’m a glutton; I ingest things as quickly as possible, scared that I will, possibly, not have seen something.

I used to mass-consume things I had ALREADY seen back in the days of VHS. It was DVDs that started all this. It really can’t have been the first time I had done it but the first series of The West Wing is the programme I remember watching all 22 episodes in two or three evenings. Once you have been to that place, where you are cutting your eyelids off, because you’re that tired, to watch what Josh and Sam being clever and witty about the Middle East and/or a right-wing radio DJ saying something about the pilgrims. I was the Brian Harvey of watching DVDs: anything less than 12 episodes didn’t touch me.

Once you’ve mainlined high calibre entertainment it’s not long before it’s the norm. If I’m not buying a box-set or downloading (legally obviously) a series I’m delaying watching something on Sky plus so I’ve got weeks saved to devour in one big chunk. Only, you’re fucked if you get into something THAT good that when you do catch up with it you can’t do the stockpiling thing. Oh how I buzzed watching four years of Mad Men in a couple of months. How I laughed watching several years of both Parks and Recreation and Community, laughed like a mad fucking bastard on meth. Now what’s it come to? I have to wait patiently for ONE A WEEK…it’s not fucking enough.

What I need is something good enough to really enjoy but slightly challenging so that I can’t do more than two or three episodes in one sitting. Boardwalk Empire is just about the only thing that fits this bill. I thought Game of Thrones did as well but I’d quite happily watch fourteen episodes of it back-to-back now I’m in to it. I am just about ready for something new to get that obsessed with that I am inhaling episodes like my dick depended on watching 9 episodes in an evening. It might be The Shield which I brought the complete box-set of last year. I do have series two of Boardwalk Empire to get at. And I still haven’t watched Generation Kill. And for some reason I stopped watching Deadwood after really enjoying the first season and the first episode of the second series.

Anyway, so that’s me and watching some TV shows and stuff vaguely connected to that.

Picture of the Day No 001.896

Betfred begins to market the first goalscorer markets they offer by having a small girl shout “Micah Richards enhanced odds 40-1” at passing addicts.

How much is that doggy in the window?

*That’s a lie, I watched the first four or five together and have only watched them at the rate of one a week thereafter.

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