Monday 23 April 2012

Talk Shit Radio

Don’t worry this isn’t another rant about what a fucking plum Ronnie Irani or Alan Brazil are (they still are, though).

Listening to the presenters, guests and callers to Talksport is worth it though; in between them all is radio adverts. Radio adverts have no reason to be flashy and directed like a pop video, like TV adverts do. Neither do they think they are being creative by having a little girl or boy with big eyes do something slightly endearing while an artist/band do a slow, plinking piano version of a song from the 1980s. No radio adverts or generally free of the pretensions of the television counterparts: they are also generally fucking shit and/or for daft things. Also they have clearly had some legal act or something in the last few years because half of them now end with all the caveats of the terms and conditions. This works particularly well when it’s a madcap advert with stupidly voiced people that has an RP voice stapling on some legal jargon at the end.

My current favourite is for efax.co.uk. How is this a business? Sometimes stuff exists for no reason at all. This is even more pointless than online magazines (they’re a website then?). What is it you’re asking – I can’t tell from the name. That’s right it’s a company offering to send something you might want to fax by email! Wow who would have thought to use an email to send documents? An emailed fax is the only solution to someone with electronic documents and an email address to send that document to other people?  They boast:

Millions of businesses around the world are eliminating the high cost of their fax machines by upgrading to Internet faxing with eFax®. Now you can send and receive faxes as email attachments anytime, anywhere – even with your mobile phone! No fax machine, fax line, paper or toner required. Simply, point, click, fax.!

Are millions of businesses eliminating the high cost of fax machine? Who uses a fax machine? Other than football teams on transfer deadline then? “I have a letter here I need to show someone – I could do a crisp scan and send it as a jpeg…”  “Stop being a twat, Nigel, do a low quality photocopied version down a fucking fax, you biff.” etc eFax would have us believe that, yes, faxing is stupid…but you really do need the idea that you have a fax machine by giving you a fax number to email from.

They brag this (above). I think we can all agree the only thing more unnecessary than this service is me going on about it when its unneccessaryness when just explaining the concept of their service makes it pretty fucking obvious that is entirely pointless. (Note: this isn’t going to stop me.) The webpage doesn’t even feature a picture of a fax machine – which might be useful as I wouldn’t be surprised if people a bit younger than me wonder what the fuck a fax is and why this stupid company are over-complicating the very simple issue of sending an email.

I like all the bullet points though – and how they could all just be replaced by one that stated: it’s an email ok? (But you can send it to a fax machine). I’d have to wonder about a company for whom me having a fax number would seem impressive/necessary. If someone insisting on faxing me I would probably assume they mainly faxed pictures of dead children – to OTHER paedophiles.

But why? Why? It’s like advertising a phone call as a talking telegram or something.

To be fair to the last bullet point I am fed up of losing faxes though. It has been the bane of my existence.

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