Wednesday 18 April 2012

I’ve Got Blisters on My Fingers

Not on my fingers – unless you are one of those quirky people who calls the soles of their feet ‘fingers’. It’s just a quote from the end of Helter Skelter by The Beatles that’s dear to me¹. So, now you know.

No, I’ve got some slight blistering on my feet caused by my belief that running through puddles and splashing myself is a sensible thing to do when I go for a run. In my head wetting my feet and legs with cold, dirty water is a refreshing boost to my small, fat legs. In reality it just serves to leave my socks wet which then rub against my feet giving me blisters. A good simile would be heroin use. Me doing this gives me a momentary high of leg numbness when running, which is like the momentary high a heroin addict experiences when stabbing their arm with a needle and throwing heroin down their vein.

I am always prone to this self-foot-wetting act however as I love to run in the rain.  Admittedly last night the rain was badly timed as it finished as I was slipping into my running gear. Why does it always not rain on me (when I am running)? Is it because I lied when I was seventeen? No, although there is a good chance I did lie when I was seventeen I am pretty sure it rained due to a set of atmospheric weather conditions conducive to precipitation. What was Travis thinking? It is a ridiculously self-centred thought to imagine one’s likelihood to experience rainfall is linked to the honesty displayed by said person in a certain year of their life. It was more likely because he was Scottish and lived in Scotland that he experienced rain all the time.

Running is quite hard for me at the best of times. Doing it on the streets of South Manchester emphasises my small, podginess as everyone running seems to be a beautiful slender running machine². They are also all in training for the 10K around this time – to add insult to injury there is the Manchester Marathon this year so they have probably already done about 10 miles of their training run by the time they ease past me with little-to-no effort. I don’t know where these people put all the unhealthy food and alcohol they are consuming, not to mention the cigarette smoke. Why do all these things effect me but not them? I’ve a good mind to start eating well, drink only water and stop smoking just to cheat my way to their athletic level.

I had some interesting things to write about today and you got this….where’s the fucking justice?

¹I attributed it to Lennon when I first heard it when I was about ten. And then a few years later thought it was more likely to be Paul. Only a few months back I read it was actually Ringo who said it. You’ve learned a lot about something you don’t care about if you’ve read all of this blog – and footnotes – today, haven’t you?

²RUN PAST ME AT THREE TIMES MY SPEED..GO ON, DO IT! DO I CARE? IT’S VERY EASY TO RUN WHEN ALL YOUR LEGS HAVE TO CARRY A LOVELY SLIM BODY ISN’T IT? REMEMBER THIS: MY LEGS ARE CARRYING THE EQUIVALENT WEIGHT OF THREE DEAD SEALS WITH MY ROTUND TORSO WOBBLING ABOUT ON TOP OF THEM.

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