Saturday 07 April 2012


After watching the being-a-good-television-programme vacuum that was ITV’s Titanic I have had an urge to watch James Cameron’s Titanic. You see I didn’t hate it when it came out, despite seeming to be a gruff, old bastard I’m a sucker for Kate Winslet’s tits a good love story. It has been a long time since I have watched it though and the reviews of it (it’s recently been re-released in glorious 3D) have been a bit sneering – would I now think it was shit?

Well, no. I thought it was as okay as it was when I first watched it years ago. A few issues occurred to me that never bothered to me before when I have watched it – and I always hated all the stuff in the ‘present day’, quite why Gloria Stuart (old woman Rose) was nominated for an Oscar escapes me.

Anyway, my new things noticed in Titanic:

  • When Rose ring Bill Paxton after he has been on the news she asks him if he has found the necklace. But she has the necklace. So she knows he hasn’t found it. Because she still has it. Sure this could just be seen as her clever way of knowing she was the real deal but it serves to highlight her as a dick to me.
  • Why does Old Rose bring to much stuff to the ship when she’s just visiting to meet with Paxton? It’s probably a nod to the fifty thousand bags Young Rose takes on the ship. Either way, it’s a lot of bags for a couple of days.
  • Rose describes Titanic as a slave ship (for her). It seems a bit of poor taste to say in the 1990s, as she does. Especially when later on, when she returns to the them of all the suffering in her existence, her version of life as a slave seems to involve the prospect of being at lots of polo matches and balls. So not being owned by rich white farmers, being treated as less than human and being whipped for sitting on the wrong bit of a bus.
  • I don’t really get why Rose runs all the way to the back of the ship when she is going to jump ship. Why doesn’t she just jump off the side?

A re-noticed a couple of things that I notice every time I watch it:

  • Is someone standing on their tiptoes that impressive? (Rose does it in the steerage bar and everyone stops looking at the arm wrestling to watch her do it, after she says “you think you’re tough guys eh? Can any of you do this?”)
  • The best bit of the film, other than THAT bit, occurs when someone falls off the top of the ship (when it goes vertical during sinking) and their legs hits the propeller and that spins them around. I love the noise the legs makes.
  • No-one says about the water being cold when it comes in the ship: it would be fucking cold, as DiCapz warns Rose when he foreshadows his own cause of death telling Rose about how cold the water would be (when he says he’s going to have to dive in the water to save her when she threatens to jump off the ship early on).
It was only today that it clicked why there has been lots of programmes about the Titanic failing to keep on floating: 100 years! Obviously. Derrr. To mark it descendents of the people who died are going to do the same journey on a new boat to commemorate the dead. It seems a bit like mockery if you ask me: look what you couldn’t even do, we are doing it easily. It’s like…no, no…sometimes WWII is too dark a place to go for a simile even for me.


For the first time in a few years I flicked the Boat Race on today. I couldn’t really care less about it but because it used to be such a big deal I always used to watch it as though it was a major sporting event. I realise it is for posh people and the BBC, but in actuality it’s just two universities racing each other every year.

I didn’t flick on in time to see the guy try to stop elitist society’s hegemony by delaying a boat race for 10 minutes. At least he is doing something about it. As soon as I saw his name I knew he wasn’t English. We CAN NOT and WILL NOT have names in this country as good as Trenton. Despite the sardonic nature of the opening sentence of this paragraph I don’t see the how the man is being painted as a hypocrite for being privileged and doing something to protest against elitism. It’s like saying a soldier cannot protest against war. Do you have to be crushed by something to think it is wrong and want it to cease? I’m not saying I agree with everything he said/did, just that it isn’t hypocrisy on his part (necessarily – it might be, he could be a right elitist cunt on the sly). For starters I am not sure elitism and tyranny are different enough to say the former leads to the latter, they kind of both describe the same thing. Or something.

In the end someone’s rowing bat broke and it meant they couldn’t row properly.

*clever eh?

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