Saturday 31 March 2012

Sinking Ship

Waking up with a bit of a hangover is perhaps not the best way to judge something but this morning was the only time I was going to watch the new ITV drama Titanic. I am pretty sure it is not the hangover talking when I say the whole thing is a bit shit. Well that is being harsh. It wasn’t shit – it was just fucking pointless. Moreover it is not doing anything different from a film you may have heard about – it came out at the end of the 90s…it was also called Titanic: it won some awards and made some money. It was also really good (apart from the shit stuff with the old woman and the fat beardy guy in the lab).

I read an interview with the writer of the new TV Titanic the other week, he (Julian Fellowes) said it was going to show something we weren’t used to seeing when watching something about the maritime tragedy. Well all I’ve seen so far is some posh people being snooty about ‘new money’ people and the differences between the traditional aristocracies and self-made rich people and then how the servants for these people are treated as subclass. Yeah, that is like Downton Abbey and many period dramas over the last 40 years. And the film Titanic. And the film managed to make some characters three-dimensional and seemed to have some emotional resonance. In this new TV version the characters were about as three-dimensional as the special effects*.

*They were shit – I am suggesting the characterisation and special effects were both shit; not that both were adequate or both were very good. Just so we are clear on that.

The Hunt

Some people are about enjoying the spoils; some people are about the chase. I am certainly far more interested in something I don’t have and obtaining it than I am in sitting back and eating a cow. As such I have lots of unwatched films and TV shows and lots of unread books. But I don’t beat myself up about it – I just distract myself by looking for something to download or buy. This led me today to looking what was hot in the US Billboard top 1oo.

As ever when dealing with American stuff I was too busy enjoying the names to be able to concentrate on anything properly.  Kip Moore isn’t fucking about when it comes to his first name is he? There is not enough Kips in the world if you ask me. Who is noticing something brilliant about trucks in fields? Kip fucking Moore that’s who. Who is realising there is something about a kiss (that leads to more)? Kip fucking Moore that’s who. Not some fly by night not called Kip; no Kip Moore is all over being called Kip and if you don’t like it you know what you can do don’t you? That’s right admit that you’re lying because no-one dislikes Kip Moore and no-one has anything other than total respect for his observations about fields/beers/women/kisses/trucks to a good old boy thrash. Testify Kip…

It’s not just the people that have great names, the bands do too. Exhibit A: Rascal Flatts. Yes, it sounds like something John Sullivan would call an apartment block if he were doing an up-to-date Only Fools and Horses (but isn’t because he chose to update ‘Fools’ by setting it in 1950 so his characters, like the characters in the last ten years of Only Fools and Horses would not have to acknowledge modern Britain. And of course he’s dead. The fucking point I was trying to make is Rascal is part of Dizzee Rascal’s name and flatts is like the word flats which we use to describe an apartment block) but it isn’t, it’s a very successful country music band that you probably haven’t heard of (unless you’re reading this in one of those shirts with tassels on, or are wearing cowboy boots, or – alternatively – you like country music and follow what’s popular in that genre of music). It would be  a better name for an English MC though. But would an English MC throw a beat down as sick as this paean to the humble banjo?

I mean of course it’s kind of about trucks as well. Not being an aficionado of country music, and by this I mean I know who Billy Ray Cyrus is and didn’t mind the duet Tim McGraw and Nelly did – but no more knowledge than that, I wasn’t aware how much trucks were to country music. Think about pop music and how much you hear a boy sing about a girl being beautiful and loving her; that is how much country singers sing about driving their pickup trucks. From what I can gather the order for your modern cowboy is pickup, tractor, cowboy hat, chewing a straw, denim, women – in that order. And – hey – let’s not say I am criticising the world view of these people OR saying that they are wrong, I am just pointing out the nuances in the different genres of music.

My conclusion, after this brief foray into country music, were that: Kip Moore is the best person ever; Trucks rock; Your modern cowboy isn’t afraid of wearing a baseball cap in place of the twelve gallon hat. And listening to country music certainly hasn’t changed who I am and maybe if you don’t agree with me you’re a faggot who’s going straight to hell, Amen m’aam.

A cowboy yesterday

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