Tuesday 13 March 2012

Are Sis for core Sis

The start of Cheltenham today…something brilliant about horse racing. I didn’t use to like it. I used to point out that my name meant ‘lover of horses’ but that I didn’t like them at all*! But then at some stage, as I did with the other sport I didn’t used to like – golf, I started to like it. Watching horse racing at the top level is awesome. It’s like watching giant horse-shaped dogs being ridden by tiny, smaller-than-average-sized-human giants. Giants on dogs maybe over simplify horse racing, but I’m damned if I can’t think of a more apt way to describe it.

Some describe Cheltenham as ‘the world cup of horse racing’. Not me, I describe world cups, in other sports, as the Cheltenham festival of <insert name of the sport>. For example when people say, “The worlds cup of soccer is this summer,” I will reply “yes, the Cheltenham festival of soccer, as I call it, is this summer.”

I don’t do that thing I just said I did. I wont even pretend I have ever done it before. Nor will I probably ever do it in the future. Consider yourself merkd if you believed me. MERKD.

*or fornicate them.

Calling All Entrepreneurs

Below is an email I received today.

It’s pretty exciting isn’t it? I can’t believe John Mario is contacting me with regards such an exciting opportunity.

(This is sarcasm of course. It was exciting though – I have never got one of these con emails more. I’m sure my junk filters have stopped them getting through or something, but this is the first time one has got in my Inbox. A cause for celebration indeed. I have often wondered how these things work; more accurately I have always doubted they work at all. Has anyone ever read an email, claiming to be from some African Prince in need, and replied with their bank details? Actually I have just stopped for a second to think about a lot of the people I have interacted with over the last few years and I am thinking that they probably do a reasonable trade. However, I shall continue as though it’s real.)

This particular email is a delight. I think my favourite bit is ‘compliments’ at the start. Or being referred to as friend. You would think that if someone was thinking they could con people with such a text they might try and run a spell-check or run it past someone who can speak English.

I like this mysterious client who has $50,000,000 (fifty million dollars) to invest. Someone with $50 million dollars ($50,000,000) to invest might be expected to have some business acumen. And thinking Britain right now is a good place to invest suggests someone with a degree of savvy that I can’t get my head round. Maybe this explains why I don’t have fifty million dollars ($50,000,000) spare to invest.

John Mario seems quite keen on forming some kind of partnership with me, though. His clients fund is both READY and WILLING TO INVEST IMMEDIATELY. He is also ready to give me $10,000,000 to fund this partnership. It’s clearly more than someone with an A-level in Business Studies can comprehend, but this seems a bit shifty.

I must be getting cynical in my old age because I feel there is something iffy about being contacted in an email by John Mario on behalf of an unnamed person, with no specific details of his person, with an intention to invest $50,000,000 (fifty million dollars) in any non-specific British concern with no further details required, giving me $10,000,00 (ten million dollars) for my….no, I can’t see what I am meant to be doing either.

Does anyone have a business that requires investment? If so feel free to contact Mario. If you’d feel odd emailing some completely randomly about a $50,000,000 (fifty million dollars) business investment, perhaps feeling that this would seem like a highly bizarre and impractical way to form a business relationship with someone, then feel free to contact me and I will mediate. (We can split the ten million dollars [$10,000,000] equally: seven million dollars [$7,000,000] to me, three million dollars [$3,000,000] to you. Haha, I am like Del Boy.)

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