Wednesday 07 March 2012

This Isn’t A Title

They tried an experiment in some of the (men’s) toilets at work. Instead of having the automatic flushing mechanism they blocked the flush off and put a chemical cap over the outpipe. The supposed effect of this was to create a fresh smell without all the waste of water and those little cubes. It was an environmental – and one imagines – cost-cutting move on behalf of my employers. They announced the experiment via the intranet, saying they might roll the system out across futher WCs across the building. This was some months ago.

Since the announcement there has been no follow-up announcement. There has been the unavoidable stench of piss in the room since about 4 hours after the water/cube system was done with. The room is also quite warm. It’s a charming mix of warmth and stale piss. I’ll not lie to thee: it’s a lavatory best avoided. The only lavatory that is a worse place to be is the toilet in Flanagan’s in Didsbury, that has a more shit-based stench.

I see the ‘experiment’ as a failure. And I believe the evidence is that it has not been repeated across the building. (Other signs that is has been a failure: the room smells of piss and is only cleaned once a day and not all the time by a flushing water system creating sights one really doesn’t want to see with one’s flies open.) Despite this admission that the system doesn’t work it remains in this one room. It is the Cuba of urinal drainage systems in my work’s building*. How can it still exist as a denizen of the building?

Speaking of odours at work, how bad do people smell after they have smoked? I got in the lift, after using the piss-stink-toilet and it fucking reeked of stale cigarettes. This was a lift. The lift had obviously just been used by someone who had smoked. You have to be outside to smoke and it was quite windy. So someone smoked outside in the wind, came inside and used the lift and they smelled so strongly of smoke that the lift smelled very strongly of cigarettes after they had used it for a few seconds. I smoke and my mouth doesn’t smell that much of smoke whilst I am smoking. I pity having to sit next to someone who smells so much of stale tobacco that when they use a lift (funny how the ones who go out for fags all the time use the lift and not the stairs**) it makes it smell like Castro’s ashtray***.

If you’re anything like me you write a daily blog and can’t think of something to write about and ahead of writing your blog you have a wee in a smelly toilet and then get a lift up to your floor, and the lift smells of tabs.

*This is a comedic reference to Cuba’s glorious communist past and its ultimate failure and slowly ceding to capitalism, like a child (with willpower submitting to a headlock. I was going to use ‘Chinese burn’ in place of headlock but I thought that was a communism confusion too much.

**Don’t bunch me with these people – I was in the lift because I hurt my knee.

***Yes, quite the little Cuba-fest today.

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