Sunday 04 March 2012

What a Card In Hell

Every time I have defended religion in some way someone religious in some way has to go and fuck it all up. Ok, so I never really defend religion, more people’s right to be religious, but you get my point. And ‘the British Pope’ as he is dubbed hasn’t really made my frustration at people, such as Ricky Gervais, being obsessed with ending all religion invalid. But it has made him look like a bit of a cunt – and he is the ‘King of Catholicism’ in England so it does reflect badly on Catholicism – much like all the paedos and likewise the flying of passenger jets into the World Trade Centre had a negative effect on the previous high rating Islam had on the Internet Religion Database and the great PR gained by convicted rapist Mike Tyson converting (for a bit).

But – this does not prove me wrong, and if anything proving me right is the most important issue to society of the points raised in the above paragraph. The Cardinal – aka ‘Catholicism’s English Ayatollah’ – shouldn’t be used as evidence that anyone believing in God is like him or that he proves religion is shit. I don’t know millions of Catholics but I do know a few regular church-going Catholics and they are lovely people who (a) don’t ever talk to me about anyone being wrong/hating them and (b) don’t really bring up their beliefs at all; they are only ever talked about by me asking them about stuff.

I would be prepared to say I think this incident shows that senior figures in the Catholic church may be out of touch with society. And a furnace might not be a good place for an ice statue. However are we to assume that all people who think Ricky Gervais is still funny are egomaniacal, not actually funny any more, deluded that they are a stand-up pompous religion obsessed idiots? Are should we just think, they like Ricky Gervais – even now – fair dos it’s their choice.

If I Didn’t Have Bad Luck I’d Have No Luck At All

I don’t know what she thinks about her Grand-Nephew saying shit in newspapers but God is not happy with me doing exercise. Yesterday I went to the gym. As I was leaving my girlfriend was also leaving. For some reason I felt the need to announce that I didn’t have my keys with me – for no reason – pointing out that she would be back before me so it would be okay. This was the first time I didn’t take my keys. Ever.

Even though the gym was supposed to be open until 8pm when I got there at 4.40pm a fat man stood at the side of a minibus told me that the gym was closed. Then it started raining really hard. The irony (not irony) is that I love to go for a run in the rain but I had gym clothes on AND A COAT. AND A BAG. Not running clothes. I still – heroically – tried to go for a run but felt sick after a lap of Platt Field Park. 

Today I saw it was raining and got excited for perfect running conditions when I saw it was raining. It stopped before I went out and then started again when it got back. Why, God, why? All I had were puddles to splash into to wake my tired legs up. The bi-product of this was making my legs numb.

Clearly the not existing King of Creation felt a bit mean as there was some scant reward to my semi-paralysed legs. Yes, the all-knowing one had hypnotized my girlfriend into leaving a hot plate switched on when she had left for the cinema. Ha! I would now have some fodder the next time she attacked me for wasting electricity for having all the lights switched on.  Yes! Get in. The irony was that her error meant that I didn’t waste energy powering up the hot plate to warm myself some of the homemade vegetable soup she had thoughtfully left for me. Still I should ignore this and concentrate on her mistake and belittling her for it.

Only United were on and I had forgotten all about it by the time she had got home. I didn’t even mention it later when I remembered. And people say I am immature.

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