Thursday 01 March 2012

At last, March 1st turned up- a full day late. Still all my meat lasted a bit longer. (That’s what she said.)

Taking the Pizz(a)

You would imagine Pizza Hut has either a well-financed marketing department or contracts a prestigious marketing company who charges them lots of money. The next step would be that this well-financed marketing department, or prestigious marketing firm, was fit to burst with people at the top of the pizza marketing game, or at the top of the tree of general marketing – but with skills transferable to pizza marketing.

And that is why they are so impressive at ideas for new campaigns. Let’s face it – they needed to up their game, Domino’s have been shitting all over Pizza Hut for ages now. Yes, Domino’s – undoubtedly the pizza maker of choice for people who feel paying six or seven pounds at a local pizza shop just isn’t frivolous enough. And what has Dominos used as a massive marketing gimmick over the last year or so? That’s right – posting loads of vouchers through your letterbox….NO, no, no..the Domino’se’s Two for Tuesday.

Yes, who amongst us hasn’t taken the opportunity to make Domino’s only slightly over-priced by getting two of their pizzas for the price of one? Great campaign that. Must really have cut into everyone else’s takeaway pizza sales – on Tuesdays  (but let’s face it, on other nights too: many people will only do it once a week and so Tuesdays would become pizza night, just like when Jesus won Easter for the Christians by getting nailed to a cross).

Pizza Hut clearly needed to strike back – and strike back well. And so when they emailed me the other day I was astounded at their humility. They have been so humble that they are not even trying to BEAT Domino’s. They are just going for parity. And so it was that Pizza Hut’s retribution campaign to claw back some of the valuable circular melted cheese takeaway snacks is….TWO’S DAY TUESDAY, where Pizza Hut customers can get a second pizza free on Tuesdays.

That’s fucking right. They (not literally, this is where lots of people would say literally; but it’s not literal you see. Fighting fire with fire is a metaphor.) are fighting fire with fire. How many Pizza Hut marketing gurus (or gurus from a general marketing firm who charge Pizza Hut lots of money) did it take to come up with this frightening piece of originality? And you know what? Sales will increase – it’s a good deal. It is certainly better than buy one get another one for the price it is meant to be. So, sales will rise and the marketing team at Pizza Hut (or the team from an independent marketing company who Pizza Hut have hired to do their marketing) will point to the rise in sales and say their campaign worked.

Maybe they head-hunted the marketing team from Domino’s. Or approached the firm who did the marketing campaign for Domino’s. And the people – from Domino’s Marketing Dept (who they head-hunted) or from the firm who did the marketing for Domino’s have just got too rich and lost all originality. But the sales will go up and they will be christened the kings of pizza marketing campaigns. How long before Pizza Express want a bit of the action and triple their salaries and they rock the world with 2sday 2s (at Pizza Express)?

Why didn’t they just choose a different day of the week at least?

(And I didn’t even get started on what the fuck the apostrophe is doing there.)

And Finally

Couldn’t help but feel sorry for Brits-thanks-speech-not-allowed-to-finish victim Adele, according to today’s Daily Mirror she is being hunted in connection with a terrror blitz plot.

Someone like you--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

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