Monday 27 February 2012

Gok Wan Way of Life and That’s Your Own

An idea can implant it in my head and be glorious and brilliant and I can forget it in four seconds. Today I had this idea about Gok Wan and unicorns swapping places with each other and it wouldn’t leave my stupid head.

It got in there when I was at the gym and no amount of people frustrating me by sitting on weights machines – but not using them – managed to get it from my head. Ditto getting home and showering while listening to some men talk drivel about football on Talksport, which normally clears my head of almost every sentient grain of thought. Making my tea, doing the washing up, watching Eastbound and Down, folding and tidying my washing, listening to a Radio 4 drama about a missing baby..all these things failed to shake the thought of Gok Wan being a mythical beast of beauty and magic (and that a horse with a horn on its head was at the forefront of televised fashion for normal people – which is the less funny end of the particularly unfunny whole idea).

One thing I could not deny, during all my protracted thinking about this nonsense, was that a unicorn was easier to explain than Channel 4’s enigmatic clothes pusher. Don’t misunderstand me – I am not opposed to Gok and his shows but to get across exactly what he is and why he is so popular takes longer to say than, it’s basically a magic horse with a cone on its head. Which you could say about anyone really (I mean you could say it takes longer to describe most people than it does to describe a unicorn given that description of a unicorn).

I just like the idea of Gok Wan being a mythical figure in lore, ok? He could still have all the back-story of being a fat and gay teenager who was decided to lose weight, be fabulous and become a style icon to the viewers of Channel 4. Without the Channel 4 bit maybe.

The Gok Wan page of Wikipedia has some interesting bits. “He was 21 stone (133 kg) in his teenage years and later confessed, “I was really fat,”” for one. Is that a confession? It doesn’t sounds like it was something he was hiding away – like being sick in a carrier bag after eating 24 Snickers bars, for example. Confess just seems a strage choice of verb there is all I’m saying.

Also, “When you sit down with someone who’s 21 stone you have certain expectations of what they’re like: stupid, lazy or really funny,” is another Wan quote. Really? Do people really assume someone is one of these three things when they are 21 stone? I mean funny? Jolly is one thing – but funny? I don’t assume someone is funny because they are obese. And stupid? I never thought someone was stupid because they were fat – if anything I assume they know stuff about computer programming. I’ll give him lazy, though.

Who am I to judge? I have never forced an overweight person to look at themselves in the mirror on national television in a seemingly cruel way that, ultimately, makes them realise they don’t have to look a certain way just because they are a fat bastard. And those are not my words, I am almost certain that is what Gok says at the end of every episode.

The 12 minutes of Look in The Mirror Fatty has clearly made me a bit fruity for women’s fashion. In Sunday’s Observer Magazine I was taken with the pyjama style trousers currenly en vogue (I can’t do a link to the article as it’s one of the 3 things out of the entire Observer that aren’t on the website but it was a bit they were pants a bit like this). Today at the gym I found myself looking at a presenter on Newsround thinking ‘what a lovely top’ (see below for a poor image of her).

If this influence on me is anythign to go by one has to be glad that Gok Wan does exist in contemporary society and not merely in stories where his magical powers killed a plague of rats, or something (I don’t really know a lot about unicorns).

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