Thursday 09 February 2012

A Bit of Stir

Aren’t the possibilities of parallel universes interesting? (No.) People do them stories about the Germans winning the second world war and how Hitler would have been king of the world and all the Jews would be dead. They also do them about fictional histories – remember when I read Superman: Red Son? Of course you do, it was a classic blog. Much like Owen Wilson’s character in The Royal Tenenbaums, presupposing a change in historical events is valuable source of nutrient for feeding a story malnourished on originality.

Which brings me to my latest idea. A TV drama which takes place in a hypothetical reality where Harry Redknapp is a treacherous liar who DIDN’T pay taxes and did loads of other dubious financial dealings that, of course, Harry Redknapp did not do. In this TV show this fictitious Harry Redknapp would be an East End wide boy taking everybody for a ride. And in this completely fictional parallel universe Harry Redknapp would be found guilty of the crimes he was accused of and sent to prison.

Also in this alternate version of 2012 England, the football team would be managed by Fabio Capello and he wouldn’t resign needlessly over a moral principle defending a hypothetical racist. The imprisoned Harry Redknapp would hate Fabio Capello as he had always wanted to be England football manager and be paid a salary equal to  – preferably £1 more than – Fabio Capello, proving he was the best one.

The TV drama, remember this is all fictional and only based on people from reality, would show Harry Redknapp as the top dog (is that what the head of the male prisoners is called? It was what the head woman was called in Prisoner Cell Block H – it was normally Bea Smith, she was nails) in Newgate, or wherever, running the show like Grouty in Porridge. Harry would manage Spurs from his cell – having unlimited phone cards smuggled in by his son, Jamie, he would constantly be on the blower to his number two, Joe Jordan. However, managing Spurs would merely be a sub-plot; the main story would be Harry’s attempts to have Fabio Capello assassinated, or at the very least stop him winning the European Championship.

I would see it as a kind of Bad Girls meets Footballers’ Wives which I assume just means Footballers’ Wives, but I am guessing this as I’m ashamed to admit I have seen neither programme. Neither would hold a torch to ‘Arry though. I’m not sure who could play the eponymous hero/villain. Timothy Spall is a potential, though the football manager Harry Redknapp is probably the best person to play him.

Bob Holness

Remember when Bob Holness died and I said I had once met him and got his autograph? But that I was unable to locate it? I found it today. Here it is, look after his signature he did a B in a hexagon like the Blockbusters board. What a guy. A sponsored by WKD guy.

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