Sunday 22 January 2012

Non Resolute

I don’t make new year resolutions. Ultimately they highlight my faults/vices and I do little – to nothing – about them. As a tool they do nothing for vanity.

If I had decided to try and be a bit more excercise-y however I wouldn’t be that annoyed with my resolve. For example I went to the gym last Sunday and on Tuesday; I played football on Thursday, went for a decent run on Friday and today went to the gym again. That’s not bad for an 8 day spell – if you are me, that is. I’m sure you are reading this thinking ‘why I did all of that today’. Then again I am sure you are Daley Thompson in 1980. Are you? If you are, how are you reading this document from 32 years in the future. A document found on something beyond your wildest dreams. How are you doing it o-master of 10 track and field events? Please confirm you did read this in some form of odd time-travel reading by doing a a backward flip when you do a good pole vault in the 1984 Olympics.

Wow, he did do a somersault in 1984….DALEY!!!!! You time-travel-reading son of a bitch you…

Do You Suffer from Short-term Memory Loss? I Don’t Remember

Remember me and all my bravado about a new, slightly shorter route to/from the gym? I only realised I had forgotten it today as I started walking back the ‘long’ way. It left a nasty taste in my mouth I don’t mind admitting. However, I cut myself a break when I remembered that an alternative gate had been open at the Platt Lane complex and thus the ‘long’ route was – probably – about the same length as the ‘short’ route. I probably cancelled that out by turning back from the ‘long’ route and going back on myself to the ‘short’ route.

This whole long/short route business has proved somewhat of a nightmare. To cut out the whole nasty business I feel the only sensible option to become a heroin addict, thus not only forgetting which route is long and which is short, but also that I have the dilemma at all. Plus, there will be the side product of weight loss which will mean the gym wont be necessary at all. I will also lose my teeth, my job and begin to steal money and property from friends and family to buy more ‘brown’. This is the path I must tread.

Some Stuff about Which I didn’t Get in To Extended Mitherings This Week

  • I feel intellectually wanting because I don’t watch ANY Scandinavian dramas. None of them. The closest I got was the American re-make of The Killing. In fact, I think if I was involved in small talk with people I didn’t know that well I would make out that I had watched the Danish original of The Killing. I know the plots were not the same but I think I would get away with it if I just went on about the jumper the main character wore; that’s all anyone talks about when they talk about it (and by ‘anyone’ I mean Guardian journalists).
  • All the controversy with illegal downloading that went with the legal stuff going on, including the Wikipedia strike. If they just sorted everything out reasonably then there wouldn’t be all this mess. I think most people would happily pay reasonable amounts to download stuff; often the only way to get hold of stuff is illegally downloading it, it is certainly the way with me and American TV shows that no British broadcaster is interested in showing. Or is interested in showing it 23 years after it has been on in America. Away from that downloading is just people (me) being greedy and downloading things they don’t want to read/watch/listen to. I am like that Paul Whitehouse character from The Fast Show who will nick anything when it comes to downloading, I sometimes know with 100% certainty I will never watch the film/TV show I am downloading.
  • Sherlock. Don’t get rabid at the mouth, I am not going to suggest anything is wrong with the current darling of BBC’s entertainment crown. I love it. I have always loved Sherlock Holmes so I was always likely to love it. I bought the first series and have been watching them alongside the second series. In addition, because I am a loser, I also watched the extras and listened to the commentaries. There’s a certain degree of patting themselves on the back regarding the idea to update the idea to the present day. It is a good idea but there are a few things worth talking in to consideration, [1] Yes, no-one had done it in 2009 but setting Holmes tales in a contemporary setting wasn’t exactly new, one of the most famous Holmes is Basil Rathbone and his Holmes was set in the 40s/50s when they were made. There have been others. [2] Part of the charm for people is watching the turn of the century setting, we have other detectives in modern settings: that is why most versions keep the stories in the more romantic setting. [3] Productions of Sherlock Holmes stories were frequent, because they were very good, but adapting them cost more money pre-2000, which was when the UK copyright has expired. It was only a matter of time rather than genius that a modern version was made.[4] Jonathan Creek. [5] I like the adaptation uses the Conan Doyle stories as a basis and the main change is the historical context; unlike the entirely predictable news that an American contemporary adaptation is on the cards (but not a version of Sherlock – they are not paying the BBC for it). So it will be Holmes. In New York. In Modern Day. Just call it something else you fucks. Or make him a Doctor…a diagnostic doctor..call it House or some other synonym for home. (I’m not having a go at House, I effing love it.) [6] The best Sherlock Holmes versions are the two (??) episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Data played Holmes on the holodeck. True story. Well it’s not but I liked them hella-lots. [7] Jonathan Creek. Again.

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