Wednesday 18 January 2012

Tweetblog

Today’s blog will be in the format of 140 character sections.

Whytweet

I’m tired. Blogs are getting longer and longer and expansion needs arresting. Convenient tool to do this is to make out like some experiment with the format. Yes, I’m making my laziness and blog as pretentious as I am today. Or at least making it sound that pretentious while actually being thick and shit, like me.

FAIL

See what I did with the first one was do it checking on the word count, it was double the length I was imposing on myself (140 characters).

Back on track

That one was 139 characters though; efficiency is back.

Mugging me off

I give up. An unfortunate bi-product of the rule is constantly having to count the character, or switching to Twitter and then copying and pasting between the two. This does not make the format any help with the tiredness. Is this ironic? Is it? Is it really ironic? It seems ironic. I think people wouldn’t quibble with it being described as ironic. “Ah the very thing he was doing to facilitate being tired was actually making him go to a superior amount of effort, how ironic,” you might think. Rightly, you would think it rightly. Let’s not overdo this analysis, it’s situational irony.

Back to the mugging me off…

You know that joke where someone driving a car stops by someone to pick them up and then, as the person being picked up’s hand reaches out to open the car door, the car driver (hereafter just ‘the driver’ as there is no confusion as nothing else is being driven here – certainly not the narrative of this anecdote by me. Haha.) drives the car a little bit forward? It’s a good joke.

The door to my building is starting to do a version of this joke on me. To enter the building I have to a couple of buttons, compromising a functional key at either end of the sequence of a numeric sequence. Within a half second of the final button being pressed an electronic voice, evocative of a dystopian future, then tells me that I am now able to enter my own place of residence (thanks a fucking bunch circuitry). Over the last 18 month I have timed it to perfection, which was not hard; as I said the unlocking of the door is almost instant and so as I press the final button moving slightly to the left to open the door is hardly an example of timing that I have had to hone, practising for hours in an abandoned cotton mill with a mocked up 1:1 scale model of the entrance to my apartment building.

The door is now messing me about. I definitely haven’t started moving at the speed of light but now I can try the door TWICE after hearing the evil voice telling me I am ok to enter without being successful. The door is figuratively driving away as I try open its door. The fucking bastard. I hope it’s classed as a reasonable reaction to have researched the manufacture of the keypad/lock system to the degree where I have learned who invented it and then damaged members of their family. Because if it’s not classed as reasonable I am in for one hell of a ‘being described as unreasonable’ session.

Wikipaedophile

Wikipedia being offline today showed how ubiquitous it has become in today’s society; there were three or four times today when I, or someone I was with, went to use Wikipedia and then found the protest screen that came up. And then found the information from some other website.

I am being facetious. Wikipedia is a fantastic website/resource. And I am all for something standing proud for something it believes in to make a point. I am less in favour of me not being able to read about fundamental particles because of an American law being suggested. However, I realise this is a bi-product of almost 104% of what I rely on for entertainment being American.It certainly would have hit lots of teenagers writing essays all over the world and no mistake. I hope teachers react sensibly and accept Wikipedia not working’ as an excuse for either not doing the work at all or blatant lies, tomorrow. There are 19 planets in the solar system. One of them is called ‘Johnny Depp’s idealism as an actor’ and is the size of a million lions.

Whatevz

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