Sunday 15 January 2012

Hilarious Things Missed This Week

Sometimes I am so busy writing shit blogs that I forgot to write about the following (shitly)

  1. Amazon putting Jurassic Park III on my ‘things you might like to purchase’ list based on having bought the Jurassic Park Blu-Ray box-set. YEAH RIGHT! Like I would want something on DVD because I bought it on Blu-Ray, lOLz.
  2. Seeing this box for a piece of exercise equipment and thinking how it wasn’t really the packaging wasn’t that aspirational; she looks really unhappy and like she’s struggling. (nb. I didn’t buy the push up bars but I definitely would have if the person on the packaging had looked happy in what they were doing).
  3. Learning about why Muslims don’t draw Mohammed. I suppose I can understand it (he means he won’t do a joke about Islam) but it seems a bit mean on him. As far as I understood it, it was because he was God’s prophet and if his image were recreated people might worship him (and not God). But drawing God is also wrong, as far as I understood it, which I probably didn’t (no-one is going to fatwah you; you’re just misunderstanding a major tenet of a religion – no biggie), so it kind of does put Mohammed in the same category; I think because of all the fuss over that picture them Swedish men did that people go on about Mohammed being drawn when the thing is about worshipping anything other than God rather than just fixating on pictures of Mohammed in South Park. I just felt a bit sorry for Mohammed; he didn’t ask to be worshipped by anyone.

Route of All Evil

I don’t live far away from my gym (not literally my gym, though it is property of Manchester City Council so y’know…in a way). I live so near that there shouldn’t really be an issue with the route. I made one though. I was walking to the gym this way. I thought I was cock of that walk. I imagined people looking out of the houses on the route seeing me and thinking “what a handsome bastard, he is not going an inch out of his way, A to B that’s what he is doing”.

But I have realised recently that I wasn’t walking the quickest way. When walking somewhere I realised I had walked up a road that was near to the gym. “WAIT,” I said to myself “this road is near the gym; my house is at the other end of it; the road on which I walk up to the gym is longer than this.” It was all getting a bit heavy at this stage. I did consider getting a consultancy firm to put some kind of think-thank together. But after 3 or 4 days I came up with a plan, and this was the route I designed. Route designers are said to be ‘unaware’ and ‘too busy with real route designing to care’. I don’t mind admitting that the difference between the two routes is almost a tenth of a mile which can be as much as 90 or 100 seconds walking time. Just look at the image below to compare the two routes; I have to warn you, you may need to prepare to be stunned (because you will be…stunned).

Since I have realised I have probably been to the gym twice; I realise that I have not walked the better way an hour or so after I get home. I’m not the sharpest tool in the box. Honestly when I think about the amount of time I must have wasted walking the extra few metres every time I go to the gym. I could have probably watched an extra episode of 30 Rock or something.

I remembered today though. Well I remembered to walk home that way. I do hope the people on the old route (top route on the diagram below) aren’t stood by their windows waiting for my return journey.They might be worried sick – especially after the helicopter that flew straight at me before landing just by me. I’m not 100% why the Air Force had a rescue helicopter landing in Platt Field. There are about 4 hospitals within quick driving distance.

Top - old, Bottom - new

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