Monday 16 January 2012

This Time Next Year I’ll Be A Millionaire

Why more people don’t whealer deal I don’t know. Having got the Jurassic Park Trilogy on Blu-Ray for Christmas I thought it was a bit daft to keep the DVD version I had on my shelf. Choosing to sell it through Amazon I set the price at £6 (plus postage). The website had suggested a price of £10. I chose to ignore it, rationalising that DVDs are almost obsolete, only having 5 or 6 years before they begin to faze out. I was proved right when it sold straight away; this did not prove I had under-priced the item, whatever you think.

By the time Amazon had taken their cut I was left with £5.20. Yes, not five point two pence but FIVE POUNDS AND TWENTY PENCE. Less postage. Postage turned out to be £1.97. Packaging? Free! Ha, I made the packaging myself. Who is laughing now? It is me with £3.23 profit on the whole enterprise. THREE POUND TWENTY-THREE.

That practically mean the three jumpers I had order from the Lyle and Scott website were free when I bought them this morning. I’m not going to get in to the maths of it all, in to which you should by no means read that I am talking balls and pathetically trying to justify buying heavily discounted overpriced clothes to myself when I have no money.

Not a Not

While stood waiting for the bargain postage of the DVDs, which was about 70p more than I had calculated it would be, not amateurishly calculated I might add – I weighed the packaged and looked it up on Royal Mail’s website, I noted there was a rudimentary shelf structure with a cover atop of it. ‘They have clearly stopped putting much effort in to designing photo booths,’ I thought, ‘because that must be a photo booth: it is in a Post Office and the sheet on it, though not being a curtain, is nearer a curtain on a photo booth than it is lots of things (as long as that thing is not a curtain on a photo booth because it doesn’t really look like that). Also, though photo booths are generally adorned with bright colours and big examples of of passport photographs, because this is a large cuboid it is more like a photo booth than it is most things (as long as that thing is not a photo booth because it doesn’t really look like that)’.

Only I didn’t think that because it just looked like a half-made IKEA wardrobe with a dust sheet on it. This post office must get visited by people less savvy than me; less savvy than me and in need of a passport photo. Because there was a sign on it saying ‘THIS IS NOT A PHOTO BOOTH’ (‘PHOTO BOOTH’ was double-underlined but I can’t double-underline on here, anyway you can just look at the picture below). You must have to get a lot of people asking if it was a photo booth to get that fed up of saying, “no, it’s not a photo booth” that you would make a sign to stop being asked.

I suppose that it might have just been a pre-emptive strike by a member of staff at the post office to stop getting any questions. In either scenario I can’t really argue with the effectiveness of the sign; when I saw it I was in no doubt about this thing that looked nothing like a photo booth NOT being a photo booth.

Photo sorry..NOT a photo booth

Subway of The Dragon

Subway thoughts:

  • Why is sweetcorn not part of the salad available on a sub(way sandwich)? It’s an obvious addition to many sandwiches (subway shaped or otherwise). I’m certainly accustomed to seeing it as part of a – what I like to call – pre-made on the shelves ofTesco,Sainsburys,Marksand Spenceretc. While I’m partial to a bit of peppers or chillies on a sub(way sandwich), and I’m not afraid to say I like the options such as these you might not expect on a sandwich, I couldn’t take an olive on my sandwich if my life depended on it I wanted a nice sandwich. Olives but no sweetcorn? Come onSubway give the public (me) what they want: sweetcorn as an option in the salad bar.
  • The menu at many stores, and certainly the one near St Mary’s Hospital on Oxford Road, is in an inconvenient place. For those of you who have not had the please it is a long narrow Subway and the till is at the far end, with the serving counter on the right. There is generally a queue making it nigh-on difficult to get along to look at what’s available. And if you do make the super-human effort to walk down to have a look you probably lose a few places in the queue. I realise the menu is hardly in constant flux – for those of you thinking “don’t you know what you want already (you plum)?” – but sometimes I do go in and think I’ll surprise myself*. Advice: if you are going in and want a snifter at the menu, why not go with someone who knows what they want? They can hold your place in the queue while you have a butchers (cockney for look).
  • I only really had two, didn’t really warrant bullet points.

*I took this too far once, pulling a gun on myself and forcing myself to sing Bitch by Meredith Brooks at an astonished Subway server. At the end of the performance I calmly put the gun away and told myself to order my (subway shaped) sandwich. Frankly, I was overwhelmed and rather than order anything I slowly sobbed. Apart from anything else I didn’t know which I had wanted, hence the whole ‘surprising myself’ scenario.

Profit Margins

If I hadn’t made enough profit today my footlong chicken and bacon ranch sub(way sandwich) was FREE thanks to accumulated Subway points, only having to pay £1.29 for my coke. SAVING £4ish on my sub(way sandwich).

Profitwise then – £3.23 from the DVD sale on Amazon, add £4ish saved on a sub(way sandwich) is a mighty £7.23ish. Less £1.29 for the Coke is £5.94.

£5.94 up on the day. That’s almost £6 pocketed. SIX POUNDS PROFIT for the day*. Yes, look at me like I am impressive enough to be asked to be a dragon on the TV show Dragon’s Den.

*The £93.12 spent on Lyle and Scott knitwear is being absorbed by tomorrow’s fiscal summary. So, I am not £87.18 down on the day and if you say that I am it’s clear that you are just cooking the figures to make me look like an idiot who is likely to swap magic beans for a cow.

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