Saturday 14 January 2012

Thought Process

I woke up with an entire head full of clouded versions of my own thoughts. Initial reaction: why are the thoughts taking their time happening? The thought that the thoughts were being realised slowly had, in fact, formed in the synapses of my brain around 25 minutes before it arrived in the ‘thinking’ part of my brain. I was beginning to think that water I had drank last night was in fact Guinness. My suspicions were aroused at the time as it looked and tasted like Guinness. And, of course, I had asked for Guinness. I had counteracted the verbal saying of  ‘can I have a Guinness, please?’ by thinking, ‘just give me water, I’m fed up of booze’. Not for the first time I had been let down by a barman not having psychic powers.

It was quite early when I first woke up, my version of early which is about 8am on a Saturday. And I managed to lie around in bed for (what seemed like) 3 hours of reading and a further 2 hours of napping but it still be only 9.30am. I resolved that I would not be in bed by 10am. So it was with some purpose I rose from my bed at twenty to eleven.

Blow by Blow

I could just carry on like this describing my day as I went about it but would you want that? Would anyone want to read that? There would be an awful lot of me trying to make it interesting or funny when I was describing me doing nothing. I imagine everyone would have enjoyed the internal debate that raged for several minutes as I dallied between regular and thick bacon, however.

I’ll tell you what I did remember; I remembered how funny Frank Skinner is. He really is a very funny person. For some reason I drifted away from his work, I have never seen Opinionated if you want some evidence to support this claim. But I needed something to listen to as I walked to Fallowfield so I downloaded one of his podcasts. It was very good. It made me remember that I really, really wanted to read his last book about touring. I wanted to read it for two reasons, firstly I was forever lol-ing out loud when I read his autobiography. Secondly, I did already get it for my Kindle I just forget and keep starting something else. Later on I would also stumble across a stand-up performance on More4. All in all it was was a very ‘remembering Frank Skinner is very funny and enjoying it’ afternoon. Very.

A downside to Skinner being so funny, when listening to the podcasts, was the laughter he causes his fellow presenters to emit. The show I listened to was veritably splattered with Laura Solon laughing at Frank Skinner. People laughing at a real thing in life is nice, unless they laugh in a horrendous manner. People laughing on a radio show can make it all sound a bit sychophant-y. Well that’s not to say Laura Solon isn’t talented and funny, I don’t doubt she is and hope to hear more of her as I, inevitably, now scour the old episodes on iTunes. I think the reason I find it jarring when co-presenters laugh all the time at the main presenter is because of Radio 1 Breakfast shows. And Radio 1 shows from the rest of the day. I don’t just mean Chris Moyles is a cunt, though I do mean that – I just mean more; people like Steve Wright as well. So, I should not be so harsh at Solon for not being able to stop laughing at a very funny person.

Daily Bastard

I’m afraid my fetish for the comments on Daily Mail stories remains unfettered.

The total absence of sympathy/appropriateness for the people that lost their lives in the sinking of the Italian cruise liner the Costa Concordia was almost poetic. Unfortunately you can not link directly to any comments so you will just have to take my word for it that what I record here is verbatim. My favourite, in terms of regard only for their opinion, was Moi’s. You know Moi from over here (england)? Course you fucking do. This was what he said:

And THIS ladies and gentlemen….is why i DO NOT engage in cruise ship holidays. Just not for me! I’ve never understood why people want to be stuck on something in the middle of nowhere – where if there is an emergency, you are basically screwed. At least alot more than you would be if you were on land. Yes fair enough, it has cinemas, restuarants, theatres on board and lots of other amazing things plus your room/base – but you can get all that stuff and MORE on land?! And if there is an emergency at the hotel…then you can get away from it much easier being on land than you can on a SHIP! – Moi, over here, england, 

Some things about Moi’s comment:

  • I’m glad he’s been proved right.
  • Though…he says this, sorry, THIS is why he does not engages in cruise ship holidays. What does he mean by THIS? The capacity for any water going vehicle to sink? If so then he really doesn’t need to go on about all the good things aboard a cruise liner. Because they are all irrelevant, it is only that a hotel is almost completely unlikely to veer off course, strike a rock and sink in the ocean. If anything Moi’s list of cruise liner features – including ‘lots of other amazing things’ – suggest to me that Moi has understood why people would be on one but it choosing the time of maritime tragedy as a sound board for posturing about his own brilliance.
  • Moi doesn’t go far enough with his land/sea comparison. One imagines he has probably looked at death figures and realised that more people die in hotels than on ships. (I can’t back this up myself but I am not posturing all over the internet about it. I can only think of one of each: John Belushi died in a hotel; Robert Maxwell died on a boat. One all.) He should have mentioned the lack of sharks, whales and Poseideon/Neptune*, god of the Sea, in hotels. And pirates, he could have mentioned pirates.
Moi was the best comment I read originally. However, when I went back to find the link to what I had been reading I saw this one, from Katie in LA:

All Seven Deadly Sins are represented within the realm of luxury cruise ships. Not to mention that they are legally allowed to throw ALL of their trash overboard in ‘international waters’ just like the military boats do. That ‘plastic floating island the size of Texas’ is in a large part being created by this industry. I hope it takes a huge beating and that people wake up to the excessive waste and danger associated with these top-heavy ships.

I don’t know what she is on about here. Sure, yeah, no-one likes a litter bug. She seems kind of mad that someone does something they are ‘legally allowed to do’. My problem there would be with the laws and not the people living by them. She isn’t very clear about what she is talking about; I would be clear I was talking about that there is a large lump of toxins from human waste in the sea, speculated to be twice the size of Texas.

My main quibble with Katie was her lead point – not all the stuff she mentioned after saying ‘not to mention’. She says, “All Seven Deadly Sins are represented within the realm of luxury cruise ships.”  What Katie has done here is confused the entertainment and luxury of a cruise ship with the actions of human beings – wherever they are. A cruise ship is not unique for being able to be the setting for the committing of a sin/sins/1-7 of all the deadly sins;  just as a church, a carpentry workshop or a cagoule manufacturers are also the sites of sin.

The Love Boat had a vicar and I don’t think he committed any sins. I rest my case**.

*This depends on whether you like your gods Greek or Roman.

**There was no vicar on The Love Boat. Certainly no recurring character/series regular – all I know is when I googled ‘vicar love boat’ no match came up to do with The Love Boat, that’s as far as you can research something right? However, as it is perfectly believable that an American prime-time TV series would have a vicar in a prominent role I think my point is just as valuable. You probably don’t even remember The Love Boat, I remember watching it every Sunday and only vaguely anything more than that so when I was trying to remember if there was a vicar character I just superimposed the vicar from M*A*S*H on to The Love Boat cast. Simples.

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