Friday 13 January 2012


You know how people say stuff is ironic when it isn’t and that Irish comedian does that hilarious routine about nothing in the song Ironic by Alanis Morrisette is ironic? You know all this right? Well I was involved in real irony. I did an ironic. I was the actor of an ironoclism.

For one reason or another a colleague was being discussed who is  a bit quiet. Naturally the assumption is that he is a psychopath and might harbour fantasies of us. You know who I’m being harsh on there? Us, the crowd slowly bullying someone. I am being harsh on us. Why do I say this? Well it’s not just that he is quiet. He also looks at knives on the internet. And his number one passtime in the office is staring at the shelves to his left. Still, OTT to suggest he is capable of murder but you have to agree the circumstantial evidence is very convincing.

So the potential serial killer’s uncle used to work at the same place and he was a bit of a tinker. He definitely *does the drinky-drinky mime*. It wasn’t common knowledge that this ex-employee and current employee were related and someone put their foot in it saying something about the guy’s uncle being a boozer. The person who made the clanger did it in complete innocence. The next couple of people who made the same mistake did it out of lack of remembering the information about the man’s uncle.

We thought he had gone the other day. He just ghosts off at 5 o’clock. And someone remarked how once again he had disappeared and said something about him killing everybody for trash-talking his uncle. At this stage I appear in this tale. (285 words before we get to me! What an outrage.)  “Well he might kill the rest of you for having said something bad about his uncle but I would never say anything his pisscan uncle while he was here,” I said as the guy returned from the toilet to collect his bag before leaving for the day.

L-i-i-i-i-iiiiiiiiiiiiike raaaaaaaaaaa-a-a-a-iiiiin on your wedding day..

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