Friday 06 January 2012

Can I have an R, An I and  a P, please Bob?¹

Bad news today with the announcement that Bob Holness was dead. Much like recent death alumni Jimmy Saville, Holness was always in my living room in the mid-to-late 80s. Not literally – it would have been a bit odd (1) I was a small child and they were middle-aged TV presenters; even though those were much more innocent times² there would surely have been eyebrows raised at Holness and/or Saville sat watching television with me despite no consent being given by my parents, (2) I think Holness at least would have been one of those people who didn’t watch himself on screen. However I can imagine Saville having big viewing parties for each episode of Jim’ll Fix It where everyone had to sit in complete silence and watch the show with him, while Saville – massive cigar on the go – provided a precursor to a DVD commentary “Shush…watch…I am going to take a Jim’ll Fix It medal out of the draw in my chair and give it that lad who has asked me to arrange Samantha Fox to come to his school to serve school dinners or something”.

Holness though, consummate. I am imagine him perhaps solving mysteries or something while Blockbusters was on. I met him as it goes, back in the day. He hosted a pub quiz at Preston Student Union and did a meet and greet at the half-way point. Lovely chap. Don’t waste your eyes’ precious powers looking – there is no picture of Bob’s autograph at the bottom of this blog. I did just go and have a look for it but I couldn’t find it. I find it hard to believe that I have thrown something/anything away.

There was an anagram as part of the quiz that he read out at the beginning so people could work on it. I was the only person to get it right. THE ONLY PERSON. That’s right: look impressed. The only person in a full student union at Britain’s 14th largest University (as a measure of enrolled students in 2011) to get the anagram Bob Holness set. I can’t remember what the anagram was; the answer was Bruce Forsyth’s Generation Game though, so I think you can guess just how complicated it was.

Anyway, it was sad to hear the first person to play James Bond (excellent Pub Quiz fact) had passed away. As much as my affection for him derives from Blockbusters and as such it’s the devisers of the format of the TV quiz show who should take the credit for this, I did feel a bit sad when I heard he was completely dead.

¹I did already use this gag on Facebook and Twitter and it got no recognition so, fuck it, I am using it again.

²Inevitably when people refer to much more innocent times they generally mean times when stuff was swept under the carpet.

Inevitable links to something that is bullshit

“Write something negative about the first episode of Sherlock.”

“But I really liked it.”

“Just fucking write it.”

“Ok, but I am going to constantly say how much I enjoyed it and thought it was good- thus making the whole thing weird. And make points that are mainly stretched and shit”.

“As long as it’s spelled correctly.”

I think that’s the conversation the Empire Online editor had with the writer of this blog.

As for this. Well, cripes, Brian Reade – if only there were any injustices that have been in the news this week that might make it seem kind of irrelevant that Wayne Rooney went out for a meal. Yeah, yeah – Reade is a sports journalist. Well he is the one bringing social commentary in to it so fuck him.

What lazy and pointless journalism. Footballers earn lots of money compared to people on the minimum wage. While the amount a fraction of footballers earn is staggering and gives people an unnecessary amount of money to fritter away it is rare that one earns that much. It is even rarer that one earns millions a year without generating millions a year in one way or another (shirt sales, being better at football and thus generating prize money/tv money). I am sure Reade is similarly sickened at the people drawing multi-million salaries in the private sector along with bonuses and consultancy fees while crushing the economy. He chose to try and embarrass and judge the working class lad who made good and is earning a salary comparable with what he is, one of the best professional footballers in the world.

And anyway, Wayne is generally a pretty good tipper – he paid a bellboy at a hotel £200 for a packet of fags didn’t he? So I’m sure the waiter got a nice tip. I am pretty sure Reade earns a lot more than waiters in restaurants; than drivers in taxis than cleaners at The Mirror. It’s okay though because he knows how unjust it bloody well all buggering is, what a fucking hero.


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