Tuesday 13 December 2011

Hard Times

It can be a bit of a strain to get something interesting out of a day when you didn’t crawl out of your festering pit until two in the afternoon. Unless you’re me that is: prepare for an amazing blog…it’s not really, I just like building myself up only to let people down. Well I tell myself that’s why I do it – the truth is far less intentional and more heartbreaking than that.

Of Mice and Men

If I have a film franchise that I unexpectedly like¹ it would have to be the Final Destination films. Be it Final Destination Airplane, Final Destination Indy Car Racing, Final Destination Roller-coaster or Final Destination….er…come on, don’t cheat….Final Destination Road (I did cheat) then I am happy to just watch and enjoy it for what it is: trash. So imagine my amazement when I sat down and watched Final Destination 5 aka Final Destination Bridge and find it so bad that I practically gave up on it. I know they are trying to make 3D work but having all of the deaths having to involve stuff falling towards camera just got old…fast.

How do you practically give up on a film? you might ask. Well for me this entails watching the remainder of the film on ‘search’ [fast forward in olden English] and only going in to normal mode when anything looks good. And thank the good Lord of bad American franchise horror that I did because the last couple of minutes made all the rest of the film all worthwhile. Oh yeah: SPOILER ALERT (you’re not going to watch it anyway, so read on – plus it doesn’t really spoil it).

If you’ve seen a FD film before you know the plot – group of attractive, young Americans cheat death because someone has a premonition of a disaster. Then they all gradually die in increasingly cartoon/grotesque style deaths as they cannot escaper their fate (death – keep up). So in the sequels someone has generally found links to the past events (of the other films) on the internet and they’ve worked out what is happening. This hadn’t happened here – they figured it out but from it just happening (like in the first film) and that weird black guy turning up and telling them. Anyway, the last two survive and they’re a couple and his dream job is in Paris so they decide to go to Paris.

And they get on the plane and are taking their seats and there is this commotion and the guy looks to see what it is….it’s only gay Jack from Dawson Creek and the guy from Eminem’s Stan video: that’s right mofos it’s the start of Final Destination (1)!!!! That’s right – all of a sudden you’re like …they fucking PREQUELLED me and I didn’t even know..mother-fuckers. I got Prequed. Then you’re like ‘ahhhhh’ that’s why they didn’t all have cell phones and shit’.

¹Star Wars, Back to The Future, Indianna Jones, Bond, Bourne etc I like expectedly you see.

Don’t Worry

My round up of music,film and whatever else is coming…if I can be arsed. So chillax you cs. Oh I took a picture yesterday just so I had one for today – I think when Vicky asked me to include more photos she meant of anything remotely good, where I have edited that sentence to ‘photos of anything’. I did also take one of myself – fuck it have both. NB – one of the pictures is ‘technically’ bigger than the other, can any eagle-eyed reader spot which one?

Whatevs

Phil

 

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