Friday 09 December 2011

Egg Stink-t

There is an issue with Leavecember. It is not being as productive as I hoped¹. My propensity for alcohol and the festive period’s proclivity for being surrounded by parties and drinks are making for uneasy bedfellows with my want to not be hungover all the time – yeah it’s a threesome. A threesome with two reluctant elements who make great sex and a third that is repulsed by the other two. Welcome to the way I think about life².

Today’s achievement? Making some nice poached eggs. Look at the little beauties.

A toast: to eggs!

You egg bastard

You can say what you want about me but even my biggest enemy (latest estimates of who hates me the most make that…well, me) would have to admit that they look good. Well the eggs do. I would admit that the double egg shot is a bit ruined by the wank looking toast I had (two words: cold fucking butter). I messed about with the colours and stuff to try and make it look less pathetic. It didn’t work. My partner didn’t want to wait to have her’s picturated so there was only one of her’s left and the plate was stained with the other egg, hence black and white.

They were good though – I normally make mine with my microwave egg poacher, but I did these with my little plastic poaching things (like little floating plastic things you put in water to poach). They were a lot better than the microwaved ones. One day I am going to try and make one properly. One day³.

¹Yeah, I have given it the (written) verbals about doing nothing but I do actually have things I wouldn’t mind doing. I am not doing any of them.

²Or just hi, I imagine you know me and know my diseased little personality and this therefore the faux welcome is not needed. Hiya.

³I think I did try once and made a rubbish effort and a mess of a pan. Wow, I’m getting ‘nam type flashbacks just thinking about it.

Self-important Pontification

One of the many things that goes hand-in-hand with the end of the calendar year is wanker bastards giving it the lemon with “these are my top songs of 2011” and “here are my best films of the year”. Who cares about your fucking opinions? Nobody. Opinions are like arseholes: they should be kept in people’s underpants and not used in public. And so, you will be pleased to read that over the next week or so I will be revealing my songs, films and book of 2011 in this very blog (if I get around to it).


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