Wednesday 01 December 2011


Some people just think differently to me. I was leaving my building this morning and the bins van at the gate. The gate is currently in one of its half-working phases. One side of it remains a open by a foot or so, not closing properly. The mechanisms work and so it is quite rigid at its part open position. Other than that it is the same deal – you enter a code on a keypad or open it remotely with a beepy thing.

The driver of the van had alighted. As I approached the gate, to leave by the pedestrian gate, he was pushing the half of the gate that wasn’t properly shut. It remained unresponsive to his slight push. That’s fair enough: he’s just checking it. But then he just started pushing it really hard, eventually causing that half to open. That still wouldn’t be enough to get the van through.

At this stage I arrived at the gate. “Not working again,” he said in a tone that made it difficult to punctuate – it wasn’t clear if it was rhetorical question or a statement. “I don’t think that helping,” I replied gesturing to the gate and how he had just forced it.

(Me)”You need to put the code in, I think it’s…”

(Him) “Yeah I know.” And then he entered the code. And the gate opened.

Why would you not do the code before forcing it open? I didn’t have time to debate the lack of logic in his behaviour as I was late for work.

Out of Order

I did this joke on Facebook the other day,

I felt a bit bad about it later. I mean it’s not a joke about HIV/AIDS – it’s a joke about blindly wanting to be the best at stuff to the level of idiocy. But it kind of did use HIV to make a joke. I certainly don’t think AIDS is a laughing matter so today I made a donation to the National AIDS Trust. In retrospect I should probably have given the donation to an HIV charity..

If you laughed at the joke then you are more to blame than me – I am just desperately trying to make people laugh so they will like me whereas you are evil.

Out of Breath

My friend told me today that she might be asthmatic. I thought this was great as it meant she might get an inhaler. She didn’t really share my enthusiasm – not that she was mortified at the prospect of mild asthma or anything.

I did used to be jealous of people with asthma at school. I think I had inhaler envy. I got a little bit fetishistic about the whole shaking it and then pressing down on the top and taking a big gulp. I really, really wanted an inhaler. Something seemed quite cool about them; almost like they were a gadget (that an out-of-breath James Bond might use). Looking back I should probably have been more grateful that I could run around playing football all day rather than occasionally causing playground panic by collapsing and going red, until Ventolin* was punped in to an attacking respiratory system. Hindsight is a beautiful thing eh?

*Other short term treatments for bronchospasms are available.

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2 Responses to Wednesday 01 December 2011

  1. Hannah says:

    my asthma was so bad at school they sent me to Lourdes. are you jel?

  2. house78 says:

    I more just sympathise really; I only wanted an inhaler, not real breathing problems or owt. Poor little HB,

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