Friday 25 November 2011

Be Honest Eh?

As we all know I am bang in to my Capital FM (Manchester) right now. Mainly for the breakfast show when I have my morning shower, but – hey – I’m adaptable: I don’t mind putting it on when I am having a post-gym shower or an evening hungover weekend shower. As I said, I’m adaptable; those are all very different situations. Now the thing about Capital FM (Manchester) – like a lot of commercial radio – doesn’t have the longest playlist. Which pretty much means that every time I have it on I hear the same songs. Which is ok because I like the songs.

But ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦sorry I had to break off for a minute there, watching Officer and a Gentleman and it was the ‘because I got no place else to go’ bit. Where was I?♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

But, when you hear a song a few times, then a few more times – and then a few more times its meaning can start to change. Take Best Thing I Never¹ Had by Beyonce. Now this is a great song – let’s be up front about this; I fucking love Beyonce Z. Yeah, it’s a great song. And the first time you hear it you’re all like “that’s totes a paean to being a strong, confident woman (an’ shit).” But after the three hundredth listen she’s starting to sound a bit smug; Alright I get it – it sucks to be him right now.

¹The first minute and twenty-nine seconds of this video contains – for my money – some of the best non-pornographic masturbation material over committed to film. As long as you’re a heterosexual male, a lesbian or a bisexual. Or bi-curious I suppose. I literally have no idea what heterosexual women are aroused by.

Christmas Telly

Along with getting loads of presents and eating turkey and stuffing muffins (barms/breadcakes – whatever you fucking call them) what else is Christmas about if not for getting all excited about the telly? When I was young I used to get almost fetishistic about the Christmas Radio Times coming out and scrutinising it, planning out what I was going to watch and – more importantly – what to tape (for younger readers this is old-fashioned talk for Skyplussing something).

Then I read this. What the fuck? I mean there are a couple of good thing on there but..really…this? This is what I am paying my license fee for? If you take away the lavish dramas with the all star casts there isn’t much more to offer. What happened to Christmas specials? Doctor Who (and I mean no slur on them at all but stellar? Claire Skinner, Bill Bailey, Arabella Weir and Alexander Armstrong are all fine actors but I think stellar is pushing it a bit) aside who is keeping up the tradition of festive¹ special? Apologies for not getting excited about Absolutely Fabulous but after the first series I stopped laughing at the same joke being told again and again. I don’t even know what Mrs Brown’s Boys is.

My favourite line in the press release might be “Sir David Jason is back in a comedy role on BBC One for the first time in 20 years leading the cast of The Royal Bodyguard”. If nothing else it is an admission that the last ten years of Only Fools and Horses weren’t funny (last episode: 2003, eight years ago).

I suppose this looks alright though..bleak, Manchester, Christmas, magical, Izzard: it ticks a lot of boxes. Not sure quite what’s going on with Izzard’s speech pattern mind.

¹Which meant either an episode where it was Christmas or – perversely – one where the characters went on a summer holiday.

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