Wednesday 23 November 2011


No – it’s not about her..come on, I have some respect.

A few years ago I shared a small office with a mad woman called Madeleine. I think I have described her before, maybe not. Itwasn’t the most enjoyable few months of my life. I thought she had retired a few years ago but she hasn’t, she’s just always off work. She appeared out of nowhere today and grabbed my arm and told it was her 60th birthday today and had been her daughter’s birthday a few days ago and her twin son and daughter’s birthday yesterday. It was also her twin brother’s birthday today (what are the odds). I tried to ask her how she was and that I hoped she had a nice party to celebrate (and some people say ALL lies are hurtful, I couldn’t give a flying fuck if she lives or dies – would telling her that not have been hurtful? Do gooders *shakes head*) but that made her rattle on about the party she was planning. I was about to try and swallow my tongue to get out of listening to the rest of what she had to say when she seemed to forget I was there and poured herself a cup of tea. I was off before she could recover and carry on talking to me.

Hmm..that didn’t really prove I had respect for anyone. My bad.

Great Train Robbery

How good is getting a good deal? Today MJEA and I booked a train to London for £11.50 in December and then I booked a train back*, First Class on December 23rd (which I thought would be busy/expensive as this is when loads of people will be travelling) for just£28. Under £40 for a return train journey, half of which 1st Class, to that London in Christmas week. Magic.

I am not going to lie to anyone I am quite looking forward to having a stroll around London in Christmas week. Shit, I hope I don’t find out I’ve got a bad disease or get run over before then. Imagine the irony if I do after writing that. I am going to look at that big tree Norway sends us and everything, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiistmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassss, as N. Holder said.

*Her parents live in London I am neither abandoning her; making her travel back in steerage; caving her skull in with a housebrick and burying her body in a shallow grave. Or am I? *WINKY*


Not far short of a year of a blog every day. This is blog 361 (three hundred and sixty one). To put that in perspective if you did a blog a day for a year you would have just five more blogs than this. Really though..don’t…I don’t deserve all the praise you are no doubt thinking of writing as a comment; save it for the 28th.

As a reward for loyal readers here is a specially commissioned portrait of me at work (literally at the building of my employers, rather than doing work). For keen fans there are a few interesting titbits below the picture; some people are saying these titbits are like an equivalent of a DVD extra, it’s for other people to say.

The Legend

  • Eagle-eyed viewers will notice the mouse is in front of my LEFT hand. “But, Phil, you’re the antithesis of a left-hander: they are creative and have imagination.” Well spotted! I flipped the image horizontally in post-production just to give it a bit of je ne sais quoi.
  • Ditto everything else about left/rigtht hand side in the image. Don’t make me repeat myself.
  • What’s the cup Phil? It’s a Barack Obama cup vessel fans. Yes he could! LOLZOL
  • The back of the picture frames is the picture of my grandad outside Buckingham Palace after getting his MBE. Yeah that’s the respect I afford my granddad – sometimes only 90% of the picture is covered with Post-It notes (currently several in Bengali as I am making my friend teach me some Muslim phrases, the old fella is no doubt turning in his grave; not that I am saying he was a racist, it’s just that people were back then weren’t they? And for a lot of people now being anti-Islam isn’t even considered that bad. Probably would be better relationships if not for 9/11. Ah well. NB. I almost never cover his face though
  • Mouse mat:recycled rubber? Got it in one. I’m not environmetally friendly – I’m practically fucking it.
  • What’s that under your hand? It’s an iPhone 4S.
  • Oh yeah that’s not what reality looks like – the photographer used a ‘cartoon’ effect on his phonera (camera on his phone, my quirky way of describing it) and then I fucked about with them some more in a photo editing bit of software.
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