Tuesday 1 November 2011

ET Phone Homo

(I get a bit gay for my phone and I was nicknamed [bullied] ET at primary school.)

The deadline is approaching – my contract expires soon and I will be all about getting a new phone. Currently it’s a toss-up (if something with three outcomes can be a toss-up, I don’t think it can) between a newer iPhone (currently have the 3G, I can’t even get IOS5 for crying out loud), a Blackberry and a Samsung. I have not had an issue with my iPhone in the 2 years I have had it but I kind of crave buttons for typing – hence the Blackberry. And my boy Pauly D at work assures me the Samsung one is the best according to all the research he has done (he is not my lacky, he is also on the hunt for a new phone).

Part of the fun/frustration of looking for a new bit of gear is the reviews on the internet. Can you really trust any of the proper ones? Can you take any normal people seriously? Seemingly not on the latter. Revoo (or whatever) lists the battery life as one of the main plusses of the Samsung, while the main negative is the battery life. Someone else described the Samsung phone as the best phone he had in 20 years. Really? TWENTY? What is he comparing it to? I know mobiles have been around a bit now but if this phone was bettered by something he had 20 years ago then it is not saying a lot for it as mobiles back then were those big brick ones (like Del Boy had). All you could do on them was make a phone call and not all the successfully; even the most rudimentary of mobiles phones, even 10 years later, could do more than that – I’m thinking texting, calculator and the game Snake.

Another guy listed the phone’s positive as being ‘the best phone on the market’ which while overwhelmingly positive is a bit vague for me. Helpfully he lists the negative (if any) as ‘not that popular like the iPhone’. Not quite sure where the negative comes from there, especially that he has established that it is the best phone on the market, unless he is genuinely sad about other people having an inferior phone. Whatever he intended, 2 out of 12 people found these views helpful.

I am still undecided: if the manufacturers of Blackberrys (Blackberry), iPhone (Apple) the Samsung Galaxy SII (Samsung) would like me to brag about how great their phone is why not send me a free phone? I have a dedicated audience of over 5 people (depending on the day of the week) and I would be happy to try and convince them all to buy one of your phones. Even if it is shit. Actually, scratch that, I can’t sell my soul for a phone. So…Blackberry: make it a phone and a tablet; Apple: phone and an iPad; and Samsung: phone and one of them dongles for my telly so I can watch the iPlayer on it. This is a first come, first served offer: as well as bigging up your product I will say the other ones are shit and give people AIDS.

I Sometimes Forget My Amnesia

Forgot a big thing in yesterday’s blog about BBC’s Salford move. It really was hilarious in my head but never made it to the page as I just clean forgot about it by the time I sat down to write it. It was all about how it would be good for going watching BBC stuff being recorded now a lot of the stuff was moving north; but it was really cleverly thought, written (in my head) with London as a big entertainment brothel where you can get whatever you want in terms of culture and how the North has just has the attractive, classy brothels…it really doesn’t work when you get to this bit but the thing about London did (in my head) and I would have explained it better. I just meant how you get like one chance to see a decent comedian (though more to see shit ones like McIntyre, Kay and the like) in a the North – even in the (small city-like) metropolis of Manchester – but that they do like 6-week residencies in London, and how there are loads of shows down there. It wasn’t really having a go at London or saying Manchester was bad, just trying to make a point out of the exciting news that BBC Salford is now home to Dragon’s Den.

See that just reads like a mess now. It would be better if I had just written it when it was in my head. I can’t do it at work now though – in my lunch hour (clearly) – as they have regressed my internet browser to one so old that I can’t access the page of WordPress you write the blog on. Seriously – they regressed the browser, because the systems at work were built by fucking morons they are not compatible with stuff so we are using Internet Explorer 6 or something: when I go on Twitter at work – in my lunch hour (clearly) – it is the mobile version of Twitter as the browser can’t handle the web version of Twitter.

I can submit a (we)blog by email but that can create layout issues. Also it means I can’t put a caption on pictures or add one of those hilarious taglines to the link that appears on Facebook or Twitter. I’m sorry – I’m not sure why any of that would be interesting to anyone. Mind you I could say that of at least 99% of the content of all my (we)blog.

Caravan Damn

If not over zealous policing, socially accepted racism then please someone see the cliff erosion/message from God as a sign that static caravans should not be lived in anymore..there are loads of proper places to live these days.

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