Friday 14 October 2011

Are You Abergavenny A Laugh?

Yeah, I used that pun more than once. What are you gonna do about it? Punch me in the lower back really hard? Actually don’t do that – it would really, really hurt.

I made the most of my 23 hours in Abergavenny, of that there is no doubt: walk to hotel, remain in hotel (save for walk to shop for toothbrush and toothpaste) for 22 and one half hour, brisk walk/jog to catch the train home. I hear the church and town centre are lovely to look at/walk around (church: look at, town centre: walk around while looking at) but both were over a minute away and more specifically I couldn’t give a fuck about either.

Clearly what I do is so is so fucking important and shit that I can’t reveal anything interesting or hilarious that ‘went down’ in the meeting. Needless to say the highlight of the day was probably the 10 minutes I spent thinking of puns around the word torque; from the obvious (Torque of the Town) to the shit otter film pun (Torque Her: The Hot Air).

One thing I can reveal EXCLUSIVELY is that I dispensed with wearing a suit for the meeting.  The below image captures me sans suit jacket for the first time at a hotel-based meeting. The dawn of a brave new era? Or just a sign that I give less of a fuck on a second-by-second basis. Or BOTH!? Who knows. The truth of the matter is that the jumper went on entering the boiling hot meeting room, leaving me in an unironed shirt. I think it would be pointless to disagree when I say these are unpredictable and interesting days when it comes to my work wear. [Notice how I have been subtle – using my phone and a mirror to get a picture of myself. I have done it so well that – I honestly believe – you don’t even notice I am holding a phone. I bet you have had to have a second look “wow: he is holding a phone,” you’re thinking.]

Fat cunt

To wit (t) -er

It’s not just my work clothing that has got people (me) talking (writing) today. See also: ‘Layout of Apps on Phil’s iPhone’ on the list of things also people (me again) are insanely excited (writing on this blog) about. At long last the four solid member of my Browse Butons (I think this is what they are called, the four apps/icons that remain at the bottom of your screen no matter which app screen you are on) team have had it made clear: you’re not unmovable. My Tweetdeck App deserved its shot, and my ‘Phone’ app just doesn’t warrant being on the  Browse Button row. I’ll keep you posted with how it works out for me. (See exciting pictorial evidence below).

This has been what I have had to do to make up for not being allowed to download the iOS5 software that Apple launched this week – it’s not compatible with my doddering old 3G. So while all the people with newer iPhones are proudly using their phones to regenerate dead loved ones or time-travel, or whatever else Apple’s latest release offers, I am stuck with something I was quite happy with – until I learned that I couldn’t get the update (that I didn’t want) – and now feels like …well I feel spiritually bereft. Now I know how Simon Weston feels at a face painting stall, “I’m sorry Simon, it just wont work with what you’ve got.”

Herald of a New World

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