Thursday 06 October 2011

Harangue the DJ..again

The crazy (if you don’t think they are crazy just carrying on reading this, I will prove/suggest that one of them is) Breakfast Crew brunch on Capital FM managed to hold on to the broadcast slot on my bathroom’s Roberts DAB radio this morning. Or should that be the hallowed broadcast slot on my bathroom’s Roberts DAB radio? No: hallowed was over-egging the pudding, I was right the first time.

However you would describe my choice of shower listening or my radio – it’s not important – it was filled again by The Capital FM Breakfast Crew. Wingman and Rachel were on tenterhooks this morning as ‘Not Wingman’ revealed he had spent all his pension money on something. They never tell you something straight away in the Breakfast Crew – they either do it after playing one or two songs, or after some adverts; it’s almost like they want you to listen to their show for longer.

Not Wingman explained how his pensions company had collapsed, paying him out 5k in the process (5k means £5,000 in this example, not a very small bit of computer memory). This made me regret not having a pension – if I’d had one in a company that had collapsed then I might have got a payout like Not Wingman. In a way of course I have had one long, but much smaller, continuous pay-out in the form of my salary, and my take-home (what financial wizards and accountants call the money you take home, i.e. get paid in to your bank) being higher than it would be if I paid in to a pension. Higher by exactly the same amount as the cost of a pension: FACT.

Back to Not Wingman. He had splurged 1k of his 5k on going to see Sir Paul McCartney perform in New York. Then when going to cash in his girlfriends birthday gift of flying lessons had seen a poster advertising part ownership of an airplane. For 5 grand. Yeah, he bought it. That’s what he does: the unexpected. That’s why he is part of a Breakfast Crew on a commercial radio station, and you are NOT*.

An airplane??? (it is still my gut instinct to say ‘o’ in the middle of that, like in aeroplane. Why can’t we all just agree on one or t’other? Or a combo, airoplane.) I TOLD you I would prove he was crazy. Only one quarter of an airoplane admittedly. But still for one-quarter of the year that cockpit is his. Which is the sensible way to do it; the alternative is for the four people to all own a quarter of the plane all year round. And that is just an argument waiting to happen (regarding a two-seat airoplane).

*This only holds water if you are not part of a breakfast crew on commercial radio station. If you are: thanks for reading. As well as doing long, rambling, unfunny, shit blogs I can also do topical jokes (example: God, this government is rubbish, why don’t they do better than this?). Why not hire me and pay me to be a writer for the show. Alternatively, why don’t you stop all sounding like the amorphous shit pile that most commercial radio is and try be a little bit different?

Jobsy RIP

There was a lot of hoopla about Steve Jobs dying. I, for one, am sad he died. Or happy that he existed. My iPhone and iPods are my most favourite things. Admittedly this is less of a tribute to Mr Jobs when you realise that they are all I have. People have shunned me. Not because of my obsession with small perfectly designed electrical devices, but because I am a horrible cunt – I should add.

There was always going to be some fuss when he passed. He was the driving force behind making Apple what it now is. He had also been publically ill for a while so there was a sad inevitability to it all. There did seem some kind of odd/sad/weird synchronicity to him passing within a day or so of the launch of the new iPhone. Almost like he waited – so as not to overshadow it – or held on to see one, last product launch. Either way there is something to be respected. And if it was just a complete coincidence then I wont lose any respect for the former Apple supremo.

You’re Laughing at Weather Lynne

How shocked has everyone been by the weather this year? “Oh the summer didn’t happen”, “Oh no it’s a bit warm for a few days at the end of September” and now “it’s dead windy and rainy and then a bit sunny but then windy and really rainy all in a day.” People, people, people – it’s England: the weather is always stupid.

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