Tuesday 27 September 2011

Half-Broken Technology

I am used to technology working; I am not surprised by technology not working. What I don’t like and am having to become increasingly used to is it half working. Sky+ telling me that it hasn’t recorded some of a programme. My Dad used to go mad at my Mum if she missed the start of a film she was taping for him; Sky+ just looks at me like I am a piece of shit with a kind of ‘whadya gonna do about it fucknose?’ expression on its electrical display. Nothing Sky+, I am going to do nothing. Like I do nothing when you sometimes just clean don’t record an episode of Coronation Street even though it’s on series link.

Today it was my Nike+’s turn to half do its job. So much for the pluses, though yeah the Sky+ half working is still better than regular Sky. Never tried a normal Nike Electric Running Guide though, Nike+ was the first level I came in at.

I went for a run today for the first time in ages. I have become such a slave to they gym; my lord, I must have been over 5 times this month. As usual I plugged my Nike+ in to my iPod and set off, very slowly, on my merry way. I hadn’t been able to find my little armband that holds my iPod though. So, my iPod was all over the shop. Although I didn’t know it at the time this resulted in the Nike+ coming out a little. The voice was still saying things but it no longer registered the run. The last half of the run was in vain: I don’t do runs for any other reason than logging it on the Nike+ website and looking at the graph it produces. Yeah I did still get a graph, but of 1.8 miles rather than about 3 miles. What a fucking croc.


I am afraid this is about not solving an age-old problem, rather than me solving a problem. If you are here for answers then you are wasting your time.

The machine that takes my dirty clothes and an hour or so later gives me clean, wet versions of the old, dirty dry clothes has one main problem: the wetness of the clean versions of the dry clothes. I have a metal contruct that I dry these wet clothes on, I call it a maiden as I was awarded it after bowling an over at cricket off which no runs were scored. This ‘maiden’ slowly dries the clothes for me; it’s like an old fashioned tumble dryer.

I have noticed other people using these (what I call) maidens. They put their clothes on them in any old way. Inside-out, outside-in etc. Not me, my clothes have to be on my maiden the right way out. My dilemma here is, do I turn my clothes the right way out one-by-one as I take them from the machine that makes them wet and clean to the maiden; or do I do them all at once and THEN put them on the maiden. I reckon there are people out there claiming the latter is specifically more efficient/quicker than the other. I can’t imagine it is that much quicker. Like it would be a significant difference in a 100m race but not in a putting clothes on a maiden contest.

I suppose I could put them in the washer the right way round to start with, thus never having them inside-out…no, that’s wrong. Stuff, especially socks and undies should be turned inside out for a proper wash so the dead skin/piss/shit particles are cleaned off properly.

I am just going to have to come up with some mathematical formula that will tell me which is quicker out of turning each piece of folder the right way out one-by-one as I put them on the maiden and turning them all the right way out en masse before then putting them all on the maiden. And I am going to have to do it quickly.


What do you think of the headings? I am constantly trying to think of ways to spunk up the blog. So I thought I would try some headings for each bit. It breaks the text up a bit and it makes it seem more like a really unimaginative column in a sunday paper by someone like Amanda Holden, which has got to be a good thing in modern Britain right? Of course quite how it will effect anything when no-one actually comes to the page anyway is another matter..

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