Monday 19 September 2011

The joy and the ecstasy of the students returning to Manchester: it’s only Fresher’s fortnight again innit.

To be fair to -what can only be described as – cunt students the main way they annoy me is making my journeys in to work longer, but now I don’t live in Didsbury anymore they dont really interfere too much with my journey in. Especially if I walk. That said, I am still annoyed by the thoughts of them all waiting for a bus in Fallowfield even though it is a purely fictitious image based on memories of years gone by; watching them all try to get on buses – struggling with the concept of passes clearly for use on one bus company’s buses not being accepted on other buses; seeing freshers couple’s unselfconsciously drape themselves all over each other completely certain they are in love (with the boys specifically trying not to look as though they are foreign to the concept of a girl being in their company).

This could all sound like it is a bitter old man, who had no joy being young, being jealous of the youth. Well it’s not. And I’ll for tell you for why: (1) I hate MOST people anyway; (2) My bitterness is mainly aimed at myself for being entirely joyless rather than others for having joy; (3) They are really annoying cunts, there is very little annoying as a self-satisfied 18-year-old. And there probably never will be; (4) Males shouldn’t be jealous that’s a female trait*; (5) 33 isn’t old…you shit.

I suppose I would rather be getting (another) degree and drinking rather than working in a fuck hole of an organisation but this is my chosen ‘life’. And you know they say “you’ve made your bed now lie in it”. Or something. So I have made my bed (grave) and now I am lay in it.

I would give some advice to students: (1) Stick to certain areas, they have been geared up for you with cheap places to drink and eat; (2) Don’t think you are the same as people who live in houses  next door to the ones you are renting for 9 months – though you will probably have similar levels of debt and have been fucked over by the government just the same; (3) Just run if someone confronts you; (4) If you don’t run don’t try to be clever when you talk to people, you’re probably not going to sound clever even if your mates think you do. Read between the lines: YOU LOOK AND SOUND LIKE A TWAT; (5) If you have no football loyalties just get yourself a city shirt, it is shorthand in Manchester for being ‘of the people’ and ‘grounded’ and who people support if they come to Manchester with no team; (7) If you are Southern don’t be proud of it at first, be a bit apologetic and slowly let your annoying superiority complex come to the fore – it is easier to handle that way.

Oh nearly forgot (6) fuck off will you?

Only joking, I effing love students clogging up the place 3/4 of the year.

  • What one thing can’t you seem to scratch off your to-do list? Compiling to a to-do list. The irony? I never, ever make to-do lists, which probably is part of the reason I have never done anything, but I did one earlier at work. What are the odds?
  • What companies provide the best customer service? The worst? I would struggle to condemn or applaud one company outright. I have had good and bad experiences with companies I have regular dealings with. It is the luck of the draw with whoever you are dealing with. Virgin Media and Sky have both been particularly twattish at times – but then other people have counter-acted the twattishness of others at times. But yeah, Virgin Media and Sky could both do with being nicer to me when at various times I have pumped cash up their arses.
  • If you could go back in time and relive one day of your life, which would you choose? None.

*Ha, that’s a Jay-Z lyric so have a go at him if you think it’s sexist and it you dont’ mind him saying it but you did mind me saying it then it’s your standards issue. For the record, I don’t think any personality trait is limited to a gender.

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