Sunday 18 September 2011

Tell you has come under some stick in the past 20 years, the humble milkman/milklady/milkperson. He/she has had to cope with the cheap milk corner shops and supermarkets can offer in different-sized plastic bottles for starters. And as well as that he/she has to go about their business is a ridiculous little battery powered float.

Surely less people are using the services of these professional milk dispensers these days – so the distance between the houses they stop at must be getting bigger. In the olden days when they were stopping every few feet to drop off a bottle of steralised before going through to the next village you can see how it made sense to use these pathetic little bastard vehicles. But there are no more villages and they look fucking stupid. There has to be something better – or are they just not inventing something better because you can get the milk at the shop now?

It probably is best just to ride out the storm of having slightly ridiculous vehicles on the road while we wait for the death of the generation of people who still feel the need to order things like bread and milk, regardles of the ubiquity of these products. “Have you got Mrs Drysdale’s Warburtons Toastie?” Yes, we have it behind the counter despite the fact that there are 30 loaves of Warburtons Toastie on the bread shelf over there. It’s not 1973 anymore.

My mum still had a bread order in the late 1990s: some times she would send me to the shop as she had forgotten to get her loaf. I always remember feeling somewhat ridiculous at asking specifically for my Mum’s bread when their were loads of loaves there on another shelf. They NEVER sold out. If just once they had sold out I would have applauded my mother’s bread reserving. But they never did. Because it was no longer 1942 and there were massive bread ovens making millions of loaves of bread all other the country; rather than just one large oven in Burnley making all the bread for the North-West (which had to be used to make guns during the war).

  • If you could take any class for free, what would you choose? The underclass.
  • What issues do you enjoy debating? I particularly enjoy talking about being anti-stuff with people who are anti-stuff that is obvious to be against. ‘I hate paedophiles’ , ‘I hate Nazis’ etc
  • If you could go back in time and relive one day of your life, which would you choose? The one where I was confused about how deja-vu would feel.
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