Monday 12 September 2011

Took a last minute day off work today. And when I say last minute I mean I text someone last night to tell them I wasn’t coming in today; so last minute is stretching the meaning a little bit. The reasons were twofold: (1) I hate being at work because it makes me feel like I have failed in life that this is what my job is, and (2) there was a sale on at the Pretty Green store in town.

I dragged myself out of bed to make sure I was there for the store opening at 10am. I had arranged to meet my mate Greg there, he’s the one I have mentioned in the past being as (if not more) obsessed with Pretty Green than I am. You should have seen the losers gathered in the queue. Lads probably around 30 with long hair trying to look like Liam (or Noel) waiting for the shop to open. Me and Greg must have stood out like a pair of sore thumbs.

I already did that joke a few times yesterday – I am not sure everybody I did it to got that I was joking: we didn’t stand out at all. And we definitely didn’t look like everyone else and when we were a bit away from the shop a lad didn’t ask us whereabouts the Pretty Green shop was in a way that was obvious he KNEW that we KNEW (and no clever arses the bags with our stuff in didn’t have logos on or anything).

Though, to be fair, the three lads in front of us in the queue were all wearing at least one item of pretty green – one of them had a hat, a scarf, a jacket, maybe pants and shoes. I didn’t have any on at all  – that’s right, you are correct to think how cool I am for not wearing Pretty Green to go to the Pretty Green shop AND you are definitely wrong if you think I am an idiot for spending money on clothes all the time or that Pretty Green is toss.

Now £95 might sound like a lot to spend when you have no money and have just bought a new TV but that was for 5ive items. And one of them should have been £130 and two of them £120. So straight away I have saved over £200 on three items. So I was really making money, because had the Sample Sale not been on I would definitely have bought the three things. Definitely. When you factor in the two other tops I probably saved £300-£400. Now who is the idiot? And anyone who says the clothes were never worth their initial price needs to stop and think: why would Liam Gallagher be trying to get people to pay over the odds for clothes he has made with his own hands? He would simply charge for materials and his own labour, if he happens to price his labour at thousands of pounds an hour then so be it.

Even better than the Pretty Green sale was the delivery of my books from Amazon. Specifically Red, the Gary Neville autobiography. Despite having quite a busy day off (PG Sale, wank, Gym, wank, last Entourage, visit my old man, Corrie, wank, US Open Men’s Final – all that is busy so eff you) I managed to read the first five chapters. It is as brilliant as you would guess it would be – so your precoceptions are driving the quality of the book. My only bugbear is that every paragraph, or at worst chapter, doesn’t end with him saying ‘…because I effing love Manchester United and don’t give a fuck about anyone else’. Don’t worry too much though – it might as well do. Safe to say this book will appeal more to United fans than other people.

I don’t want to ruin the book for everyone, I am sure everyone reading this will buy it, but it does reveal why his Dad his called Neville Neville. Basically someone mistook the surname for the baby’s first name and said what a nice name it was. His Mum’s sister said that Neville was the family name so unfortunately it couldn’t be called Neville Neville as it would sound stupid. Neville’s (Neville Neville) mother responded by saying that no-one would tell her what she could call her baby and said she would call him Neville Neville is she wanted. Who would have thought a bit of Neville family folklore involved a Neville ignoring sensible advice because theu were pig-headed regardless of it causing the family to be mocked?

Anyway, I effin love Gary Neville and don’t give a fuck about anyone else.

He hates scousers apparently. (He does he says so in chapter one).

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